Would You Date a Co-Worker?

My friend’s daughter just started dating. She’s a beautiful, intelligent, and funny girl so it’s really no surprise that someone she works with noticed and wanted to spend more time with her.  That’s what sparked this week’s post: Is it a good idea to date someone you work with? Is it a terrible idea? Let’s discuss.

Pros

1. You have the perfect opportunity to get to know each other before actually “dating.” Think about it – with all the creeps out there work is the perfect place to find out if you have shared interests, shared ethics, and mutual attraction.  Be sure to remember that just because you work with someone doesn’t mean that you actually know them. They could have a violent or criminal past, or keep their dead pets in their basement.
2. You’re happier to go to work. You’ll actually look forward to going to work and your job performance can increase because of your attitude. You can’t always choose what happens at work, but you can choose your attitude and when you’re happy to be there the little things seem more like just that – little things.
3. It’s easy to be attracted to someone who shares the same workplace stressors and the same workplace victories. You’ll continually bond over the crises that you survive together, as well as the really great things that happen at work.
4. It can reduce workplace conflicts. If you’re in a relationship with someone at work and they do something wrong then you’re more likely to try to work things out and not be overly critical.
5. Forbidden love is exciting. There’s something invigorating about a secret that only you and your lover share, and when it’s about your romance that makes it even more exciting.

Workplace romance isn’t all sunshine and holding hands. Let’s check out the cons:

1. If you break up you have to still see your ex. This is a big one for me. When I broke up with my boyfriend the last thing I wanted to do was spend more time with him.
2. Your job performance can decrease. If you constantly take breaks together, long “lunches,” or spend too much time visiting and not getting work done, your work will suffer and so will your co-workers who have to pick up the slack.
3. Damaged morale. If your job performance decreases or there’s perceived favoritism it can lead to bad feelings and decreased morale at work.

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4. Loss of respect/credibility. If you’re a waitress and everyone knows you’re dating the cook they’ll start to watch and see if your meals come up faster, or first, and if you say “He’s a really great cook” they’ll just think that you’re saying that because you’re dating.
5. Sexual harassment. Are you dating laterally or are you dating your supervisor? Most businesses have rules against supervisors dating their subordinates – for good reason. If the subordinate felt he/she was being treated differently then they could claim sexual harassment. If you break up and he still pursues you at work that can be sexual harassment. Your boss can get in trouble, you can get in trouble, he can get in trouble.  This is a very serious (and legal) consideration.

So what do you do? You’ve found the perfect guy to date and you happen to work together. Maybe he’s “the one” or maybe he’s just perfect for right now.  How do you decide? You could ask yourself these questions:

1. Why? Why do you want to date someone you work with? There’s plenty of fish in the sea, so what’s so special about this guy?
2. What happens if the relationship ends? Definitely worth talking about with your potential lover – don’t you think?
3. What happens if everyone knows? How are you going to approach problems like “you’re just saying that because you’re dating.” and perceived favoritism?
4. Are you dating a superior/subordinate or an “equal?” Be aware of the potential for sexual harassment.
5. How will your romance affect your productivity? Be conscious of your attitude, and how much time you spend together.

So is it worth it? I guess it just depends. We can’t choose who we fall in love with. When I was 21 and working as a waitress I dated and later married my manager.  We divorced years later, but he was definitely worth all the bad that came with a workplace romance.

Is it worth it to you? You’re the only one who can decide if they’re worth it. So go in to the relationship with your eyes open and ready for the repercussions… or the best thing that ever happened to you.

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