This week at work I was attacked 3 times by spiders. Luckily, I work with a bad-ass-ninja-spider-killer who understands my fear of spiders and she saved my life. That got me thinking about fears. We all have them, and I’m pretty sure there’s a phobia for every kind of fear imaginable. Some of the most common fears that aren’t commonly known:
Pistanthrophobia – Fear of trusting people due to past experiences with relationships gone bad.
Atophobia – Fear of being alone.
Kakorrhaphiophobia – Fear of failure.
Atelphobia – Fear of not being good enough.
Coulrophobia – Fear of clowns. (Ash, that one’s for you).
Today’s post is about Fear, not phobias. A phobia is the most common mental health disorder and is described as, “the experience of persistent fear that is excessive and unreasonable.” I have arachnophobia. I’ve injured myself, and others, trying to get away from spiders. I know (logically) they’re smaller than me, I can just squish them, and they’re (probably) not there to hurt me – but none of that matters. A spider must not touch me at any time. Ever.
Fear is an emotional reaction to a real or perceived threat. That’s natural. We fear sharks because they could hurt us. We fear dark alleys because there might be someone dangerous in there. Will Smith is quoted as saying, “Fear is not real. It is a product of thoughts you create. Do not misunderstand me. Danger is very real. But fear is a choice.”
Fear keeps us from experiencing new things, potential long-term relationships, a new job… essentially Fear can keep us from experiencing love, joy, and happiness. So if fear (not phobia) is a choice, how do we overcome it?
Fear feeds on inaction, indecision, and waiting for “just the right time.” Defeat Fear by doing something. Take action, take a first step, make a decision – now.
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Fear feeds on negativity and hopelessness. Say “I can do this” instead of “I can’t do this.”
Fear feeds on feelings of unworthiness and the unknown. Imagine the worst possible outcome and how you might feel. Now imagine the best possible outcome and what you could feel and feel worthy of the good. You are worthy of the good.
Fear feeds on perfectionism. Accept the fact that you’re going to make mistakes. Everyone does. Learn from them. You’re not moving forward if you’re not making mistakes.
Fear lies. Look for the truth, the actual truth, in any situation. Breathe.
My message to you this week, my reader, is to make the choice to not let Fear win. I used to have a fear of being perceived as “foolish” and would make decisions to do (or not do) things that might make me appear foolish. In an earlier blog (this blog) I talked about my friend Steve. We used to talk on the phone every so often about good days, bad days, why mustard is infinitely better on hotdogs than ketchup… really anything. I had just talked to Steve on a Monday and a few days later felt like I should call him, but I didn’t because I felt foolish calling again so soon. Steve died that Saturday.
A powerful lesson The Universe taught me that day and I am mindful to heed it. I am no longer afraid of being thought of as “foolish.” I reach out to people when I feel the need to do so, I compliment people when I like their clothes or they have a nice smile, and I’m honest when I don’t know what to for someone even though I think I should.
Feel the fear and do it anyway, even if you have to do it afraid.
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