My friend Keesha is a lover. She loves her boyfriend, she loves her family and her kids (biological and the ones she works with), and she loves her friends. Once she loves you she doesn’t give just part of herself. If you are Keesha’s friend then you have all of her. So, of course, it made sense for someone so full of love to say, “You should write a blog on the lost art of writing love letters!” Great idea, and so this week’s inspiration came to me in the form of a lovely friend and the gift of a book written in 1892.
In today’s world of technology and social media (texting, twitter, facebook, tumblr – I could go on…), we’ve lost the desire to actually put pen to paper and communicate with others. Think about it, when was the last time you actually wrote a letter and put a stamp on an envelope? Let’s talk about “why” we should write (love) letters…
1. Letters are more personal than e-mails or text messages, simply because they’re handwritten. When you actually write a letter it’s in your handwriting – no one else has your handwriting, but everyone with a computer has Times New Roman, Book Antiqua (my fav), and Lucinda Handwriting.
2. Letters can be kept and re-read. Whether it’s a love letter to your long-distance boyfriend, or words of encouragement to a friend. A handwritten letter can be kept in a box, a drawer, or even a purse and re-read at any time. It’s a piece of you they can hold on to, and remind them you care when you’re not able to be with them.
3. Letters cannot be debated. During text exchanges, or even face-to-face conversations, often one person is simply waiting for the other to finish so they can begin speaking. Letters force us to slow down, to think through our thoughts, and reason with ourselves before shooting off a response so we can be “right” first.
4. Letters force you to speak slowly. With all the technology we have immediately available we’ve grown accustomed to sending off quick messages and expecting an instant response. When you write a letter you give someone the gift of your time, speaking slowly and thoughtfully responding to a situation they’re working through, and you give them the gift of time to respond without the stress of immediate response.
5. Letters can ease pain and build relationships. A handwritten apology over a mistake or a misunderstanding can soften someone’s anger, and a handwritten note over a loss someone is feeling can give them the little bit of strength they need to get through. A love note to a distant lover can strengthen the relationship – reminding them that you’re there, you care, and you’re thinking of them.
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Love letters can be written to your boyfriend/spouse/friend. It’s inexpensive to buy a card, write a quick note in there, drop a stamp on it and send it to your friend. I received a card in the mail the other day from a friend. It wasn’t anything other than a “hey, I’m glad we’re friends” kind of note, but it reached me at just the right time and meant the world. Sending a love letter to your spouse reminds them you still love them, they still delight you, you think of them often and fondly, and can deepen and intensify your relationship. Or, in the case of Meghan Trainor, you can write a Dear Future Husband letter and lay out your list of wants and needs. (Guys, tell me how great it would be to have this list from your future wife!)
Love letters can be written to your kids. Last year during the school year I wrote notes to my boys every morning as I was getting ready for work. I leave my house at about 5:40 a.m. every morning (waaaaaaaaay before they get up), and wrote notes to them wishing them a good day, reminding them to choose positive attitudes, and encouraging them or praising them for a school project – and always to tell them I loved them before they head out to school. I didn’t realize at first how much they loved my little notes until I forgot one day. The second I walked in the door I was approached with, “Mom, you forgot to write us a note today.” I didn’t appreciate how impactful that handwritten bit of my time was, and how much love and encouragement it offered. I do now.
Love letters can be written to the dead. There’s a Young Adult novel written by Ava Dellaria, called Love Letters to the Dead. (Check it out here.) It’s about a class assignment to write a letter to a dead person. The main character chose to write to Kurt Cobain because her sister loved him and he died young – like her sister. What a great way to process grief. We’ve all suffered loss: a close family member, a friend, a loved one. My grandpa passed 20 years ago this October. I still miss him and think of him all the time. It’s his voice I hear when I need advice about any particular situation. I wonder what words would come out if I wrote him a letter today? My friend Steve passed 4 years ago this August. I think he knows, but I should write him a letter telling him how much our conversations about “nothing” meant to me.
So this week, my reader, I challenge you to write one letter a week for the next month. Buy a card, pick up some stationary and stamps, put pen to paper and send a letter. It’s easy, remember having a pen-pal when you were in Elementary School? Just talk about your day, or a funny story you remember, or surprise your lover with a sexy note. Let’s bring back the art of writing letters!
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