I was having a conversation with a friend and he mentioned having many regrets throughout his life. That got me thinking: We all have regrets, but what is it that we regret and should we have regrets? I’m not talking about living a conscience-less life and doing whatever we want to whomever we want (that’s for our dreams, remember? Sex Dreams and Cheating), I’m talking about the value of regret.
A quick search on the internet reveals the most common regrets are:
Romance: Regretting a romantic decision could be a one-night decision, a long-term choice, or a missed opportunity.
Family: Regretting spending too much time away from family, whether it’s at work or some other reason.
Education: Regretting not going back to school and gaining that education dreamt about.
Career: Regretting making a career choice, or not.
This week was full of inspiration for this blog. I made a very personal confession to a small group of trusted friends and was, for the most part, accepted and loved for being who I am. Unfortunately I did receive a response that was like a slap in the face.
How many of us have been in that situation? Feeling safe enough to expose our tender parts only to have someone cut us in it. Did I instantly regret it? Yes. I was hurt because of my misplaced trust. But as the hours and days pass I’m becoming more thankful that I allowed myself to be vulnerable and now have learned a lesson. That’s the only gift that regret brings. If it ends badly and makes you feel something – good. Learn from it. Otherwise regret is only for those choices we didn’t make.
There are a ba-jillion cute little sayings out there and the messages are all the same: We should only regret the chances we didn’t take. Everything else is either a success or a lesson to learn.
1. We learn to make sense of bad experiences. “Ok, so when I make this choice, then this will be the outcome.”
2. We can avoid making the same mistake in the future. Sometimes making a mistake is what it takes to be able to identify a potentially bad situation and outcome.
3. We can fix our mistakes. We can’t take back words said in anger, but an honest and heartfelt apology goes a long way towards fixing a wound.
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4. We can change. Regret can bring change, and change brings opportunities.
5. We can understand. Mistakes are part of the journey. We are imperfect beings and will make mistakes. We need to be understanding of our mistakes as well as the mistakes of others.
So how to live a regret-free life you ask? It’s simple:
Be courageous. Take chances. Speak kindly and honestly. Express your feelings.
Be happy. It’s ok. Whatever happened, happened in the past. Allow yourself the grace to be happy. You deserve it.
Prioritize family over work. if you want to be in the minds and memories of your children in the future, you need to be in their lives today.
Stay in touch with old friends. There’s nothing quite as wonderful as being around those who know all your bad parts and love you anyway.
So get out there! If you love someone, tell them. Take chances. Make changes. Live life in the first row!
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Love it! Nice job.