Sex dreams are great because you can do things that you wouldn’t normally do, and have sex in places you wouldn’t normally. It’s like being a superhero. You can do anything and anyone in any way. Everyone’s had sex dreams, it’s perfectly normal and a natural part of our psyche. But is it cheating when you have sex with someone who isn’t your lover?
I had a dream once where I was fooling around with Andre the Giant. I’m not going to lie – it was a little weird, but the weirdest part wasn’t that I was making out with a giant. Like most dreams the weirdest part seemed perfectly normal, in this dream the weird part was that I was totally confused about whether or not I was married or single. I was actually married, but in my dream I was single and in college and living in an apartment. I kept thinking, “Wait! Stop! You’re married and have a baby!” And then I would look around my apartment and think “No, I’m in college in my apartment. And look at this body, I’ve never had a baby!”
And no, to answer your unasked question, Andre and I didn’t go all the way or even very far for that matter. I got all wrapped up inside my head about whether or not I was married, if I was in college or living in my house with my husband and child, and woke up shaking my head and thinking, “Really! Andre the Giant?!?!?”
So, is it cheating if you dream you have sex with or just make out with someone besides your lover? What if it’s just a romantic dream and no sex happens? Is that cheating?
If you feel sexually attracted to someone in a dream is that the same thing as feeling those feelings in real life? I’ve had dreams so intense that when I woke up I was SO MAD at my husband that it took the better part of a day just to get over it.
He said something like:
“You can’t be mad at me for something I did in your dream! I can’t control that!”
My response:
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“The hell I can’t! I can be mad at you for anything I want to mad at you about… AND you were such a JERK!”
I can’t explain it, I mean, I know that he didn’t really do anything, but the feelings were still there.
I had a dream one time that I was stabbed in the stomach with a really long screwdriver. I woke up with a jerk because the pain I felt was so real. Holding my stomach I scrambled to turn on the light to see it because it felt like I was bleeding. I hadn’t been stabbed, but my body felt like it. So when you have a sex dream and your body feels like it’s having sex or it wants to have sex, does that mean that you’re cheating? You aren’t actually having sex, but your body responds as if you are. We move in our sleep and sometimes, well, depending on how far the dream progresses, there may be a surprise when we are rather abruptly brought back to consciousness. No actual touching is happening, it’s all in our heads.
So if your body is responding, is that the same thing as the actual act of cheating? Let’s switch the shoe and put it on the other foot. What if it’s your lover who had a sex dream about someone else? Does that mean that you’re not what he really desires? That he really wants to have sex with that person or in that way? It’s easy to get all wrapped up in our own insecurities and think that we’re less than what the other person desires if their every sex dream and fantasy doesn’t include us. That’s simply not true. It took me dreaming of Andre the Giant to realize that we don’t get to choose what comes to us in dreams. Our dreams find us and take us on a journey of their choosing.
I believe that everyone in your dream represents some part of you, whether it’s a part you love, like, regret, or a part you detest. Sex in dreams is a way for our subconscious to work through any particular issue. Oh sure, some people may claim to control their dreams, but generally it’s our subconscious working – preparing to face fears or threats, or maybe just reflecting on something that happened during the day. There’s been a ton of books written about dreams and symbolism contained within them, and all the experts seem to agree that dreams are full of meaningful content, but we generally can’t choose what, or who, we dream about. I mean, if that were the case Adam Levine would have much busier nights, right?
So no. It’s not cheating. Cheating is intentional, knowing the impact and consequences and choosing that path anyway. Dreams are scary, weird, unpredictable, and sometimes sexy.
Besides, even Walt Disney said, “If you can dream it, you can do it.”
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