Is it Possible to Love Everyone? – Guest Post

Round 5Well, here we are. It’s the last Wednesday of March, and today is my 52nd post.  That’s right. I’ve officially been a Wednesday blogger for one year. I was inspired to write about “Assumptions” this week thanks to a rude, anonymous note that was left on my car (ironic that I was trying to be nice and got called a “Jackass,” isn’t it?), but then I remembered my friend Mark. Mark Neher is a talented local author, an intense and luminous teacher, and he’s my friend. Mark pointed out to me that everything is round (even wrote a book with the same title).  He’s right, you know, everything is round. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, people come in and out of our lives.  We have good times, bad times, and good times again.  I thought it fitting that since this is Blog Post #52, my year has circled back to the beginning, that this post should be his.

And so, my reader, I offer you his words. Mark is eccentric and his lessons aren’t always straight forward, but by forcing me to pause, to actually listen to what he’s saying, my understanding is so much deeper, fuller, and… rounder.

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“Is it Possible to Love Everyone?”

Most of us are taught to love God above all others, and ourselves if we don’t have a god to believe in. After that our conscience tells us to honor our parents, which becomes easier once we have children.

We have childhood friends, lifelong friends, and new-found friends. Friends of both gender, letters sent back to sender, grandchildren, and ex-lovers. Is it possible to love everyone?

It is, but it is a full time job and the only pay is forgiveness and hugs. What do you do about the buggers and the thugs or faces in the news? How can you love the hateful until you learn to sing the blues?

It takes blue and yellow to make green. What starts out as primary becomes secondary, but it isn’t less because it is further from your center. Actually, just like the Milky Way, the farther your energy and love move through time and space then the speed in which you have practiced for– grants you a star for your effort. Then you are close and yet light years from perfect. Just shiny and giddy.

Today for the seventeenth time at 17 different homes, I sought out my new neighbors. I’ve been blessed with hope and light powered by my pain. And I can see beauty when it is across the street. These people already love me because I love first. Now the boys have a straight backboard and baskets are more fun to make. They wonder who the hell I am, but they know that I’m not fake. They admit they should read more. I give them my book.

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I used to be an asshole and worked as one for years. Once I knew a mop handle was the feature of my fears.  I forgive, I trust, and most of all, I teach.

I love everyone, am disappointed by a few close to me, and all the ones with violence on the big balls they swing on the never ending pendulum. I guess I would wonder if you can’t love everyone how everyone would get along.

It is a choice and I am choosey

Agape is the Greek for brotherly love. Eros I’ll save for later.

The Word made the bird

So he started with doves

Peace is a pillow

Dreams from above

Love thy neighbor as yourself

And if you don’t love yourself

Many do.

It is possible to love everyone, but you need a strong stomach.

While you feed the world and skip dinner.

 

Would You Date a Co-Worker?

Office romance 8My friend’s daughter just started dating. She’s a beautiful, intelligent, and funny girl so it’s really no surprise that someone she works with noticed and wanted to spend more time with her.  That’s what sparked this week’s post: Is it a good idea to date someone you work with? Is it a terrible idea? Let’s discuss.

 

Pros

  1. You have the perfect opportunity to get to know each other before actually “dating.” Think about it – with all the creeps out there work is the perfect place to find out if you have shared interests, shared ethics, and mutual attraction.  Be sure to remember that just because you work with someone doesn’t mean that you actually know them. They could have a violent or criminal past, or keep their dead pets in their basement.
  2. You’re happier to go to work. You’ll actually look forward to going to work and your job performance can increase because of your attitude. You can’t always choose what happens at work, but you can choose your attitude and when you’re happy to be there the little things seem more like just that – little things.
  3. It’s easy to be attracted to someone who shares the same workplace stressors and the same workplace victories. You’ll continually bond over the crises that you survive together, as well as the really great things that happen at work.
  4. It can reduce workplace conflicts. If you’re in a relationship with someone at work and they do something wrong then you’re more likely to try to work things out and not be overly critical.
  5. Forbidden love is exciting. There’s something invigorating about a secret that only you and your lover share, and when it’s about your romance that makes it even more exciting.

 

Office romance 1

Workplace romance isn’t all sunshine and holding hands. Let’s check out the cons:

  1. If you break up you have to still see your ex. This is a big one for me. When I broke up with my boyfriend the last thing I wanted to do was spend more time with him.
  2. Your job performance can decrease. If you constantly take breaks together, long “lunches,” or spend too much time visiting and not getting work done, your work will suffer and so will your co-workers who have to pick up the slack.
  3. Damaged morale. If your job performance decreases or there’s perceived favoritism it can lead to bad feelings and decreased morale at work.
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  5. Loss of respect/credibility. If you’re a waitress and everyone knows you’re dating the cook they’ll start to watch and see if your meals come up faster, or first, and if you say “He’s a really great cook” they’ll just think that you’re saying that because you’re dating.
  6. Sexual harassment. Are you dating laterally or are you dating your supervisor? Most businesses have rules against supervisors dating their subordinates – for good reason. If the subordinate felt he/she was being treated differently then they could claim sexual harassment. If you break up and he still pursues you at work that can be sexual harassment. Your boss can get in trouble, you can get in trouble, he can get in trouble.  This is a very serious (and legal) consideration.

So what do you do? You’ve found the perfect guy to date and you happen to work together. Maybe he’s “the one” or maybe he’s just perfect for right now.  How do you decide? You could ask yourself these questions:

  1. Why? Why do you want to date someone you work with? There’s plenty of fish in the sea, so what’s so special about this guy?
  2. What happens if the relationship ends? Definitely worth talking about with your potential lover – don’t you think?
  3. What happens if everyone knows? How are you going to approach problems like “you’re just saying that because you’re dating.” and perceived favoritism?
  4. Are you dating a superior/subordinate or an “equal?” Be aware of the potential for sexual harassment.
  5. How will your romance affect your productivity? Be conscious of your attitude, and how much time you spend together.

 

So is it worth it? I guess it just depends. We can’t choose who we fall in love with. When I was 21 and working as a waitress I dated and later married my manager.  We divorced years later, but he was definitely worth all the bad that came with a workplace romance.

Is it worth it to you? You’re the only one who can decide if they’re worth it. So go in to the relationship with your eyes open and ready for the repercussions… or the best thing that ever happened to you.

Office romance 6

My words are my thoughts, but my pictures are generally found on Pinterest (you can find anything there!). Feel free to follow me on Pinterest (Melissa Gale) or Facebook. I love feedback, and invite you to comment or e-mail me with your thoughts. Signing up to follow me is the best way to make sure you don’t miss a post!

Whisper it to me!

Kiss 5I had my nails done this week and while sitting there, captive for an hour and listening to the people speak around me in a language I couldn’t understand, I got to thinking about social etiquette.  Speaking in another language that you know another person can’t understand is considered rude, (except in nail salons?) because it purposefully excludes another. Whispering also purposefully excludes another, but is acceptable in certain situations (say, you need to quietly excuse yourself) and, if done right, whispering can be sexy.  That’s today’s post: How to be a Sexy Whisperer.

Whisper 2We whisper secrets, wishes, and desires. We’ve learned from when we were children that there are just some things that you don’t (or shouldn’t) say out loud. There’s another reason to whisper:  in addition to being super sexy, whispering makes us feel good.

 

Whisper 7You know that tingly feeling that starts at the top of your head and runs down your spine? That actually has a name – Autonomic Sensory Meridian Response ( or ASMR). Oh sure there’s science and studies around it, but put succinctly ASMR are “sounds that feel good.” Need a for example? Try Bob Ross and his “Let’s make them happy trees.”  As great as Bob Ross’s voice is, and as good and relaxed as we feel listening to him, let’s get back to the sexy part of whispering.

What to whisper to a guy. When whispering in a guy’s ear, it’s about the words.  Oh sure, the closeness factors in, but what really winds him up are the words you use.  So what do you say?

  1. Whisper something that gives him the promise of more to come. (“Just wait until we get home/I get you alone.”
  2. Whisper about something he can’t see. (“I’m so cold because I don’t have panties on.”)
  3. Whisper a hint about a sexy game. (“I left my panties in the kitchen. Can you find them for me?)

How whisper to a girl. That’s right. With girls it’s more of a “how” question than a “what” question.  Many guys think they need to say something cheesy like, “I want to lick you head to toe.” Or “I must be hunting treasure because I’m digging your chest.” Yeah, while funny, that’s not really what gets us going. So how to turn us on with a sexy whisper?

  1. Get close (and be sure you smell good)
  2. Touch us (gently) on the shoulder/back
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  4. Whisper strong enough that we can feel your breath, “these words don’t matter as much as the closeness/smell/low sound of your voice.”
  5. Pull back.
  6. Then either lean in again for another whisper, or let us come to you. Lean in and whisper in her ear and she’ll be captivated, lean in and whisper to her face-to-face and she’ll focus on your mouth.

Whisper 4

I wrote about a sexy whisper in my (hopefully soon-to-be published) story.

“Joshua wraps his arm around me as we dance, pressing our bodies together. He holds my hand against his chest and my other arm wraps around his shoulder, keeping him close to me.  That’s how we dance: swaying slightly, feet offset, and barely moving. He raises his hand and slowly brushes my hair behind my ear and then back from my shoulder. He lets his fingertips gently caress my back and arm on their way back to hold my hand. His chest swells against mine as he brings his head down to my neck, quietly breathing in my perfume. I can’t help but to smile as I whisper in his ear. My lips inadvertently brush against his ear, and a shimmery tingle blooms on my lips where they’ve touched him. His arm tightens around my waist as he laughs, his stomach and chest rippling like waves against mine. Such a good feeling. It’s as if the gesture was entirely nice and sweet. There is not a single ounce of sneaky, or conniving, or manipulation in it. I’d like to say it was meant to be cleverly sensual, but it was unintended.  I think that is what made it so amazingly erotic.”

Melissa Gale ~ “The Between”

My thoughts for you this week: If you want to be a sexy whisperer, all you have to do is believe in the power of proximity, the warmth of your breath, and the softness of your voice.

Whisper 5

Oh, and 10,000 brownie points if you can guess what Alex whispered in Joshua’s ear.

My words are my thoughts, but my pictures are generally found on Pinterest (you can find anything there!). Feel free to follow me on Pinterest (Melissa Gale) or Facebook. I love feedback, and invite you to comment or e-mail me with your thoughts. Signing up to follow me is the best way to make sure you don’t miss a post!