Broken Arm Gratitude

broken-armThat sound. The sound that makes your heart stop and your entire body instantly cold. It’s the sound your child makes when he’s hurt – really hurt.

Sunday started like any other Sunday at my house. We got up, had some coffee, watched the Seahawks beat the Jets, sliced a bunch of apples for the dehydrator, and The Best Husband Ever and I were sitting on the deck planning the meals for the week when I heard it. It took less than a second for that heart stopping-body cold feeling to register. I jumped up and ran towards the sound and saw my 10 year old screaming and running towards me holding his arm – his arm was bent in a very wrong way.

The boys had been playing football in the yard when Ahren fell and landed on a root from the big tree on the corner of the lawn. My son doesn’t do anything half-way, and breaking his arm is no different. His particular type of break is called a “Colles fracture” or a “silver fork fracture” because of the way the bones break and are displaced. I’ll spare you the grossness of his arm bending the wrong way, but here’s something to give you an idea of what his arm looked like:

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This happened about 4:00 p.m., and by 8:00 he was heading in for surgery to straighten and pin the bones. We all drove in one car to the hospital, but I still had another son who wasn’t broken and who needed to go home because he had school tomorrow. The Most Wonderful Sister-in-Law came to our rescue. She brought in “Puppy” (his brother gave him Puppy when he was about 2) and picked up The Best Husband Ever and my unbroken son to take them home. I stayed in the room and waited for Ahren to come back from surgery. He returned groggy and the manner-filled little boy all moms hope their sons are when they’re not around.

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Groggy Ahren and Puppy.

I spent the night with him to help him when he had to pee, or to make sure his arm stayed propped up, or, honestly, just to look at him to make sure he really was ok (he was). As I laid there on the pull out couch/bed they have in the room I thought about all the other parents who have laid on that bed – worrying about their children, some of them infants or toddlers who were sick or broken in ways that were much more serious. I thought about how many nights of tossing and turning that couch has endured. It made me feel grateful that Ahren only had a broken arm, and would be better with a little surgical intervention and the passage of time. And so this week’s inspiration found me – how to be grateful in difficult times.

It’s easy to be grateful when things are going well, but when things are bad it’s harder to remind ourselves to be grateful. Let’s talk about 3 ways that will help us to be grateful even when times are difficult.

1.  Reframe what happened. Look at what happened and see if there was a lesson that you learned – like running through the house with a blanket over your head is a bad idea. Did you realize something about yourself that you didn’t previously see? Maybe you never knew you could handle the sight of your kid’s arm bending in an unnatural way and not freak out. Don’t rehash and relive the event, but look at it from a different perspective.

2.  Remember the bad. This probably isn’t the only bad thing that has happened to you. Remember another time something bad happened and remember that you are here, now, and you made it through. Breathe.

3.  Look around you. When we’re in a tough situation it’s easy to focus only on that bad thing that is happening to us. Take a moment and look around at people and situations that surround you. Acknowledge the nurse who took an extra moment to adjust your son’s pillows so that his arm was not only elevated, but more comfortable. Appreciate that there actually is a small couch/bed in the room to “sleep” on during the night. See that there are people and things in your day that are not bad, and allow yourself to be grateful for the small kindnesses that are present.

So this week, my reader, I encourage you to practice gratitude. Be aware of others around you and their kindness or their struggles, and remind yourself to be grateful.

This week I’m grateful for the love of The Best Husband Ever, the support of My Wonderful Sister-in-Law, the doctor who reassured not only my injured son, but his worried big brother as well; the anesthesiologist who is funny and kind and makes sure a scared little boy is soothed even before he puts him to sleep; and for nurses who take the extra moment to make sure their patients and worried moms are as comfortable as possible.

Oh, and for having my Healing Son sit with me at the table doing homework while I write and look at my garden. Life is pretty ok.

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I love the colors in my garden. Oh, and the Lone Tomato. She’s pretty cool.

My thoughts are my own, but my pictures are generally found on Pinterest (you can find anything there!). If you like what I write, please share with your friends or someone you think would like it! I’d love it if you follow me on Facebook (Melissa Gale), Instagram (write2unpack), or Twitter (@write2unpack). If you have any topics you think I should talk about, reach out to me at write2unpack@gmail.com. Oh, hey, and if you sign up here to follow me you’ll never miss a post!

New Moons and Good Intentions

good-intentions-6The next new moon is in 2 days. Yes. I admit I’m one of “those” people.  I sincerely believe the moon cycle affects people.  If you look online you can find tons of articles that agree, and tons of articles that tell you there is no actual link.  My belief is not based on scientific studies, just life experience. If you ask any ER nurse, law enforcement officer, or food server anywhere I bet they’d tell you the same thing. My friend and I try to “set our intentions” at each new moon.  What that means is for the next 28+ days we focus on improving a specific aspect of ourselves or our lives. Some months that’s been to be more present at home, or to make time to exercise at least 3 times per week, or to be more attentive as a wife.

We started doing this a year or so ago. We were walking together and I was talking about how I felt like a failure at work, at home, as a wife and mother… you know, the weight of the world is heavier sometimes and it was feeling pretty overwhelming.  She felt the same and we decided that instead of trying to fix everything at once we’d just work on one thing at a time.

It seemed like a good idea to have a time frame that we would work on this “one thing,” and it was a full moon, so we decided to focus on our good intentions until the next full moon. We later changed to the new moon, because that felt like more of a beginning, but setting our good intentions for a set time frame made them actually seem possible.

That’s the sparkly bit that found me this week. The impending new moon and a conversation about what our intentions are going to be this month got me to thinking about good intentions.

I know, “The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.” Right? Sometimes they work, sometimes they don’t, and sometimes they work just a little bit.  Working to make yourself a better person and your life a little better, is never a wasted effort, so I thought we could talk about ways to help our good intentions be a success.

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1.  Don’t take on too much. The goal is for a small change. Small changes make big changes – so says my running coach, and I agree. Set a goal that is achievable in one month. Maybe that’s flossing regularly, or practicing patience with your kids. Pick one small change that you can work on for a month. If it works you can keep doing it, if it doesn’t you can change next month.

2.  Be accountable. My friend and I talk about and share our intentions. We are each other’s support system and accountability measure. If you’re the only person who knows about your goals it’s easier to fold and revert back to old behaviors. The goal is to make a positive change for a month. Tell your friends, or your family, what your goals are and allow them to encourage you and to hold you accountable for your success – either for making the change or simply trying.

3.  Remember why you’re doing it. Over the next few weeks be sure to remind yourself why you’ve started this new habit. If it’s exercise your reward could be to be to drop a few pounds or just improve your health. On those days when it’s toughest to hold to our good intentions it’s important to remember the reward that’s waiting for us.

4.  Enjoy the change. While you’re working on your good intention it’s important to enjoy what you’re doing. For me this was using my “yoga voice” with my children instead of raising my voice. I enjoyed seeing them roll their eyes at me when I asked them for the eight-thousandth time to put their shoes on the shoe rack, in the same voice as my yoga instructor when she tells me to “feel the strength of the earth” beneath me.  Maybe that’s not the best form of enjoyment, I’ve never claimed to be mom-of-the-year, but I’m able to speak more calmly to my children and the entire house is benefitting from it.

5.  One small slip isn’t the end of the world. Nobody’s perfect. Just because you gave in and didn’t get up one day to go to the gym, doesn’t mean you can’t give yourself credit for all the other days you did. You can look at why you slipped and fix it so you can succeed tomorrow. A small failure doesn’t mean that you haven’t made progress and you weren’t overall successful.

My intentions for this month? With my change in work schedule the focus for me is my home. I am going to focus on “getting my house in order” and on being a better mom. Clearing the clutter and getting ready for Fall/Winter, and having more patience with my young sons who know exactly… what… button… to push.

It’s a new moon and a new chance to make a positive change. That’s my challenge to you: pick something to focus on for the next month. Something that will make you a better person, make your life a little better, and by default, the lives of those around you a little better too.

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My thoughts are my own, but my pictures are generally found on Pinterest (you can find anything there!). If you like what I write, please share with your friends or someone you think would like it! I’d love it if you follow me on Facebook (Melissa Gale), Instagram (write2unpack), or Twitter (@write2unpack). Oh, hey, and if you sign up here to follow me you’ll never miss a post!

5 Life Lessons From Soccer

soccerThe game was a massacre. My 10 year old loves soccer and, next to training to be the next American Ninja Warrior, soccer is his favorite sport. Ahren is a perfectionist and believes that he should be the best at everything – including soccer.  Well, he’s not.  He’s a crazy-good athlete and super competitive, but his team was beat 21-1 last night.

Another thing he’s not the best at is losing. He was upset and crying because they didn’t win and were beaten so badly.  Now, I’m all for winning – winning is good, but sometimes you lose and your attitude when you lose says more about you than your attitude when you win.  We had a conversation in the car on the way to dinner and it struck me how soccer can teach my son things he needs to learn to be successful in life. And so this week’s blog post was born!

1.  You can’t choose what other players do or how they play, but you can choose what you do and how you play. Ahren was upset that they didn’t win, but he had no control over how the other team played.  We talked about how since he couldn’t control the other team it was really a waste of time worrying about that, and what he needed to focus on what how he was playing and do the absolute best he could. We can’t control what other people do, what we can control is ourselves. Focus on that.

soccer-22.  Your attitude affects more than just you. He was upset they were losing so badly and had a bad attitude about it. His bad attitude then affected the other players, and the coach had to stop watching the game and coaching the players to talk to him and bolster him up.  We talked in the car about how attitudes are infectious and how when he was having a bad attitude it infected his teammates and then his coach.  Bad attitudes spread, but so do good ones. Next time he promised he’d be infected with a good attitude so everyone would “catch” the good.

3.  Soccer is a team sport. In soccer each player depends on the other player to be in their position, to help them out when they’re fighting for the ball, and to support and encourage them. We need that in life too. We count on our friends and families to be there when we need them, to help us out when we’re fighting whatever battle comes up, and for love and support. Ahren needed to remember to do the same. He was so wrapped up in his sadness at losing that he dropped out of position and wasn’t there to cheer his teammates for a good pass or for a great kick. We talked about how if everyone did that the team wouldn’t work. We rely on our friends and families, and they rely on us.

4.  Sometimes the coach puts you in a position that is not your favorite – it’s important to play your best and hardest in whatever position you’re in. Ahren started the game as a defender, but prefers to play as mid-fielder so he runs more and is both offense and defense. His team was really fighting hard against the opposing team, and Ahren is such a strong player the coach wanted him on defense. We talked about how sometimes you’re put where you’re needed even though it may not be your favorite, and how important it is to play hard where ever you are. In life sometimes we find ourselves in situations we don’t like. It’s important to be our best self and fight hard where we are.

5.  Don’t get so caught up in what’s going wrong that you can’t see how amazing you really are. Ahren was so upset that he wasn’t able to steal the ball as much as normal, that he wasn’t getting passed to as much, and that he couldn’t shoot on the goal like he usually does. What he didn’t see was that he was the fastest player out there. That kid can hustle, and when chasing a the ball he would catch up to and pass the other players, but he was too upset at how the game was going he missed how incredible he was playing. Bad things happen every day. Don’t get so wrapped up in the bad that you miss the good.

This week, my reader, I challenge you to take the lessons my 10 year old son learned from soccer and apply them to your life. Realize that life is a team sport, and it’s important for us to be the one who can be counted on for defense, or support, when the world gets tough on our teammates.

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