With very few exceptions, males of the human race have balls. Literally. Testicles that hang between their legs at their crotch, and after the age of, oh, I’d say 7? they take up enough space to make it uncomfortable for boys to sit with their legs tightly together. I don’t know for certain because I don’t actually have testicles, but I have a brother, had 2 husbands, raised 7 boys – and that’s 20 testicles.
The Best Husband Ever and I were having a conversation and it went something like this:
Him: “What are you writing about today?”
Me: “I was thinking about ‘manspreading.’ Orin sent me a link, and it’s illegal in Spain now.”
Him: “What’s ‘manspreading?’”
Me: “When guys sit in chairs with their legs all splayed open so they take up more than one seat.”
Him: “When did guys start doing that?”
Me: “Seriously?!?!?! How about ‘always?’”
Men have, as far as I know, always sat in chairs with their legs splayed open. Supposedly because the size of their testicles has precluded them from sitting in the confines of just one chair. Now, I understand that the extra junk between your legs is sensitive, and squishing them is uncomfortable, so I don’t believe men sitting with their knees tightly together would be suitable. What I’m talking about is the excessive splaying of legs to take more than one seat – on the bus, in the airplane, in the movie theater… wherever.
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Madrid has made it illegal to spread your legs so wide you take up more than your seat. I’m not sure how I feel about that. Manspreading isn’t just a male offense. I’ve seen teenagers and women who spread out and take up more than their seat. In London, they call it “shebagging” when a woman sits down and puts her purse in the seat next to her so that no one can sit there.
I’ve seen posts where guys say it’s The Feminists who have created this phenomenon, but I think it’s because dudes are being called out on their lack of manners. It’s not ok if women take more space, because they don’t have testicles, but since guys do – it’s ok. I disagree. People get angry if a large person sits next to them and encroaches on their space, but if a guy just bangs into you with his knees because he has testicles, that’s ok? What about pregnant women? They have an entire baby between their legs! I think it’s rude of anyone to encroach on another’s space. If there’s no one next to you, or standing without a seat because you’ve taken two, great – spread out. I would too. It’s more comfortable and you’re not being rude.
I’m not sure how I feel about the law in Madrid. On one hand I think it’s great. It’s about time someone stopped the obnoxious discourteousness of space hogs. On the other, what’s next? If bad manners are illegal, then when will not standing up and allowing an elderly person your seat on a bus, or not holding a door for a lady be criminal? If we ban being rude, then can we also make using common sense a law? I’ve always wondered why it’s called “common” sense when it seems so uncommon – but that’s a blog for another time.
So this week, my readers, I encourage you to be mindful of manspreading (and shebagging). Is it still manspreading if there’s no one next to you and no one else who needs a seat? Should it be illegal or is it just ill-mannered? If you have testicles, is it possible to sit in just one seat? Is it just another insecure show of “my junk is bigger than your junk?” You make the call.
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