It’s important, critically important. Spouse, Girlfriend/Boyfriend, Partner or Lover… whatever you want to call them. The hustle of the holidays is here and my available time, already pretty small, is even tighter. I was talking with The Best Husband Ever last night after the boys were in bed, and we talked about how much we need that time – the time after the kids are tucked in before we go to bed. That time is so important to us I thought it deserved its own post. Let’s talk time.
Everything takes time: kids, friends, lovers, work, pets and chores. When we get super busy, say around Christmas for example, we tend to give our lovers the short end of the stick. They get the “us” that has been working all day, then went to the store to do some Christmas shopping for the family, then stopped at the grocery store, then came home and made dinner, wrangled kids and then, finally, have a minute to sit down and our patience and understanding is probably not what it should be.
How many times have you gotten to the end of the week and not had a real conversation with your lover? Oh sure you’ve talked about kids, or work, or that asshole that cut you off, but you haven’t really spent any time connecting with him/her. If the world goes to shit TBHE is my support. He shoulders the weight of the finances, the house, the kids – everything I do. He’s my partner in life. I need to remind myself that he’s the one I’ve married; not my work, not my kids, and keeping the house clean is certainly not more important than he is – and I need to make the time (and be patient and kind) to reconnect with him.
Sounds great, doesn’t it? Just “make time.” Yeah, right, I know. But there are ways to carve out a little time to reconnect with your lover. Let’s talk about some:
When the kids are down. My boys have an 8:00 bed time, usually they’re all brushed and read and tucked by 8:30. My bed time is 10:00 at the latest. That’s an hour and a half my husband and I have on our own. It doesn’t work every night, of course, but most nights we’ve dedicated that time to sit and talk to each other. We watch TV and talk about the kids, our day, politics, how I hate politics, things we want to get done, why that one string of solar lights has never really worked the way it should… sometimes we even talk about difficult, “real,” things like how his MS is getting worse and what we’re going to do about it. Regardless, I cherish that time and protect it fiercely as my time with TBHE.- Plan for it. Plan date night and then follow through with it. You can do it. Your lover is worth an hour once a week, or once a month to have lunch, or dinner, or a quiet car ride to look at Christmas lights.
- Turn off the radio, cell phones. If you’re running errands together try turning off the radio and putting your phone down and actually talking to each other. You have a captive audience! What could be better?
- Is there something that you and your lover both enjoy? The Ex liked to spend a lot of time tinkering in the garage. In order to spend time with him I went out with him and asked him about what he was doing. He taught me how to do body work and rebuild a tranny. We worked on rebuilding a 1967 Pontiac Firebird 400 together. It doesn’t matter what you do together: dancing, cooking, or hiking can be great time together and allow you both the opportunity to really connect with each other. If you can’t think of anything, make a list of things you’d both like to try and then start checking off the list!
- Sex/Intimacy. You knew this was going to be in here, didn’t you? What’s more intimate and “reconnecting” than sex or being intimate with your lover? When we’re so tired from the day, and burnt from taking care of kids, spontaneous sex usually isn’t in the cards. Plan time to be intimate with each other. That connection will be the glue that holds you together during the tough times.
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So, there it is, give it a try. Heck, try a couple of them and see what wonderful connections you can create with your lover by simply making quality time for them.
I know it’s a crazy time of year. Honestly, it’s always a crazy time of year. There is always more to do and more that needs your attention. This week, my reader, I encourage you to be diligent and watchful to make sure things that aren’t that important don’t start nosing in on the time you should be spending on things that really are important.
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