Ok, I’ve been talking about writing about assumptions for a couple of blog posts now and the time is finally here. Let’s talk about it!
First, let’s start with some goodness. Assumptions can be good. We assume that the scary biker dude down the dark alley might hurt us and we avoid the dark alley. Now, there’s a chance that the scary biker dude might be a wonderful man who will protect a girl with everything he’s got, but I’ll probably continue avoiding dark alleys with anyone lurking in them just the same.
Ok, now for the part of my post that has been swirling around in my brain – the downside to assumptions.
Assumptions cause erroneous beliefs. I’m a friendly girl. I like to talk to people. I also write about sex. (No, not on my blog – it’s PG). People assume because I’m friendly and write about sex that I’m trying to seduce them. Just because I talk to you doesn’t mean I want to have sex with you. I’m approachable, outgoing, and generally interested in what you have to say. Trust me, if I wanted to have sex with you there would be no question in your mind and no need for any assumption.
Assumptions can be dangerous. Assuming the guy you just met is a good guy is a dangerous assumption to make. I’m not saying you should be distrustful of everyone you meet, just that you shouldn’t assume because he’s educated, has a nice smile, and is charming that he’s a prince. What? You disagree? I have two words for you: Ted Bundy. Especially for women, in today’s society making snap assumptions about a stranger’s motivation is dangerous.
Assumptions can cause hurt feelings. Did you know that when someone is quiet people will automatically assume that they’re angry? According to the internet (assuming everything on the internet is true…) a person will automatically assume another person is upset with them if they’re quiet. I wonder if this is because we’ve become so accustomed to immediate response (internet, text messaging, social media) that we believe that any silence or pause in communication indicates anger, or sadness. Maybe instead of assuming someone is angry or upset we should just ask them.
Assumptions are reflections of the “Assumor” (That’s right. I’m a writer, I get to make up my own words). The person doing the assuming is the Assumor, and the person who is being assumed about is the Assumee. Need a for example? For example: I’m the Assumee who parked just over the line of my office’s two parking spots. The Assumor who left the rude anonymous note on my car mistakenly believed I was being a “jackass” because I took a little more than one parking space. The Assumor did not know that my office pays for two spots, that my boss was working from home, my friend/co-worker wasn’t at work that day, and that I was actually being nice to the people who park on either side of our parking spots. The fact that the Assumor felt compelled to leave a discourteous and unsigned note speaks more to her character than any perceived parking transgression on my part. My point? Be careful of what you assume – it reveals more about you than anyone else.
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Assumptions can lead to missed opportunities. The note my Assumor left on my car was a receipt from the local 7-11. It didn’t have a name on it, but it did have the purchases: A green Naked juice, and a peanut butter Ciff Bar. Now if I assumed that all green-juice-drinking-peanut-butter-cliff-bar-eating people were ill-mannered and disrespectful, I might miss out on a wonderful opportunity to develop a friendship with someone whose heart was in the right place, who believes in doing the right thing, who saw what she perceived to be a social injustice and sought only to shame the wrong-doer into doing the right thing next time.
My message to you this week, my reader, is to think twice before assuming and then acting. When I saw the note on my car my feelings were instantly hurt, but then I realized two things.
1. I didn’t do anything wrong.
2. I didn’t really care what some unnamed impolite person who knows nothing about me or my motivations thinks about my parking job.
Not everyone is as well-adjusted as I am (stop laughing), and by making assumptions you could cause hurt feelings, bad feeling, and resentment. The world already has too much of that in it. Instead of assuming: ask questions, communicate with each other, and don’t take it personally if someone makes a wrong assumption about you.
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