“Why does everyone want to glamorize the dead?” This is the question that has been swirling in my brain for the last week. For those of you who didn’t catch last week’s post, my niece was horribly burned in a coffee stand fire and passed away on Monday, January 11. There has been a flood of support for her family and her two daughters (shameless GoFundMe link), which is wonderful and certainly needed. All beauty and grief aside, what kept poking at me was the fact all media/social media only talked about how wonderful and good she was (she was a good and wonderful person), but there was also more to her. We’re not perfect people – we’re flawed, and so this week’s blog post took form.
When someone passes I hear phrases like “devoted wife,” “dedicated father,” or “loving mother.” While these things may be true, I’d wager those people were more than just those generic labels. So do we use them because we only want to remember only the good stuff? Why is that? Aren’t they made up of good and bad, just like us? I think our flaws are as important to remember as our strengths.
I have many flaws – one of them is an irrational fear of spiders (Yes, I know I’m bigger. Yes, I know you can just squish them… I said it was irrational). I actually dated a guy for a week before I found out he was just as scared of spiders as I was… and that’s the reason we only dated for a week. But I choose to see this irrational fear not only as a weakness of mine, but also as an opportunity for someone (my hero) to save my life from that-which-must-never-touch-me, and for me to express gratitude and appreciation. Maybe we should look at our flaws as a means to attract the right people, rather than looking at them as a failing or a defect of some sort.
What if our imperfections are there to let our good parts be good and allow others to show their kindness and compassion? Have you seen the Disney Pixar movie Inside Out? It’s about the parts of us (Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear, and Disgust) and how they all work together inside us to make us who we are and, as it turns out…
*SPOILER ALERT*
Joy kept trying to get rid of Sadness but finally realized that Sadness was how others realized that (her person) Riley needed help, and that allowed others to show her love, and kindness, and compassion.
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I know I’m not perfect, and I appreciate it when I’m treated with kindness anyway. I try to do the same for everyone I meet: for my clients, the cashier who’s obviously having “one of those days,” or the driver who insists on going 5 miles under the speed limit in the fast lane. I invite you to do the same. This next week make a conscious decision to pause and understand that the freakin’ jerk who just cut you off is flawed, and maybe he made a mistake, and maybe that’s ok. I mean after all, you have flaws too, and maybe your flaws are there to bring the right people (your hero) to you.
I love input, so please feel free to leave me a comment below, find me on Facebook (Melissa Gale), or send me an e-mail with your thoughts (write2unpack@gmail.com). Oh, and sign up to follow me. It’s quick, easy, and you won’t miss a post!