Choose Your Wolf

June is here and we’re officially halfway through the year. I’ve had some life challenges and no doubt you have too. So, today’s question is: what are you going to do with the next six months of 2024? Let’s start with a fable:

“The Tale of Two Wolves”

Grandfather sits near the firepit by his young grandson. Crackles and pops are the only sounds as they sit, each lost in their own thoughts about the happenings of the day. The grandson had gotten into trouble at school earlier and had just been punished by his parents before coming outside.

Finally, Grandfather speaks.

“Everyone has two wolves inside them. One is Evil. It is hate, fear, jealousy, and arrogance. The other is Good. It is love, courage, kindness, and hope.”

The grandson thinks for a moment then says, “I’ve felt them both. Today the Evil Wolf came out and I did things I’m not proud of. But sometimes the Good Wolf comes out and I treat others with kindness and love.”

Grandfather nods, smiling.

“Yes, these wolves constantly battle each other for dominance.”

The grandson picks at a stick, staring into the fire.

“How do you know which wolf will win?”

Grandfather pulls him into a hug, whiskers catching in his grandson’s hair.

“The wolf that wins is the one you feed.”

I’ve been struggling recently with life and its challenges. My dad has health issues and is refusing to take care of himself, and work has really ramped up. These are in addition to my already present struggles of caring for my disabled husband, my youngest son who’s just graduated, and trying to get my house and gardens cleaned and in order. Oh, and because I didn’t have enough to do, I’ve taken on the role of President of Write On The River – our local writing community and a fabulous organization.

I want to make writing That Thing that pays for my dream life, and to do that I’ve decided I need to put more energy into projects that move me in that direction. Turns out, not putting energy into that direction hasn’t led me to my dream life. My goals for the next six months include, among other things, compiling my full-length manuscript into a story that makes sense, and getting my already written horror and erotic short stories buttoned up and polished and ready for submission.

What does this have to do with the fable? Basically, fear – the Evil Wolf. I’m afraid. I’m afraid of failure. I fail at so many things, and what if everyone hates my stories? I’ll have to keep doing what I’ve been doing for the last 20+ years. It’s not a bad gig. I like my boss and co-workers, and I’m pretty good at it, but it doesn’t feed my soul.

Honestly, I’m more afraid of success – the Good Wolf. What if people like what I write and want more? That’s a life changer. More of my time doing That Thing I love leaves less time for other things. It’s change, and change is scary. It’s much more comfortable to keep doing the same thing – even though it’s not as fulfilling.

After a conversation with my therapist and a gentle reminder that I’m terrible at setting boundaries and valuing myself and my talents at least as much as I would a friend, I’ve decided to work on saying “no” and meaning it, and setting boundaries to protect myself from things that devalue me.

At LEAF gym, you will often hear me say, “I’m so excited for this opportunity to practice my wallballs/burpees/front squats/whatever…” It’s not because I’m actually excited for the day’s workout (no offense Coach Sonya), it’s because I’m afraid of the workout, and I need to change my inner dialog. Our bodies believe what we tell them. If I tell myself I’m afraid, I feel fear. If I tell myself I’m excited, I feel enthusiasm.

So, my reader, in the next six months I am going to change my inner dialog about my life goals. I’m going to choose excitement over fear, and I’m going to work on valuing my time and my work at least as much as I would a friend’s – including boundary setting and keeping.

I invite you to do the same. Whether it’s increasing your weekly workouts, eating cleaner, building a business, or any other goal you have. What changes do you need to make to make them happen? Change your narrative. Change your energy. Feed the Good Wolf.

Melissa Campbell is a litigation paralegal by day, but a storyteller at heart. If she’s not at the office or creating new worlds, she’s probably spending time with her husband of 21 years or her children who still think she’s cool enough to hang out with. Otherwise, you can find her paddleboarding or in her gardens recharging in nature.