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Summer has been busily spinning out of control, and just when I was feeling super behind… BAM! My friend Elizabeth Stephens messages me with a guest post for my blog. Being the delightful, upfront, and candid kind of girl she is, she sent me a post on how to write about sex.  Thanks, Ellie, and thanks to The Universe for its timing. Today has now been freed up to work on my Erotic Tarot short stories. Stay tuned for more on that!

WARNING!!!

THIS POST CONTAINS EXPLICIT LANGUAGE

I write erotic-romance-sci-fi, and it doesn’t bother me to talk (or write) about body parts and the act of sex, but it makes some people squeamish. If you’re one of those people, stop reading now and nose through my archives for something a little less spicy.  (Here’s a post about a honey bee named Leon who loves the color purple)

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Boobs or tits? Cock or shaft? One author’s view on the mechanics of a good sex scene.

By Elizabeth Stephens

I’d like to preface by stating a few simple facts: I am an author of steamy romance, I have had sex before, and I do not claim to be an expert on either (as much as I’d like to believe otherwise). Now that that’s out of the way, let’s investigate what I think it takes to write a good sex scene.

Don’t rely on what you learned in your 7^th grade Health class.

I read a book recently that was pretty decent. Sexy, possessive bikers and wanna-be-tough heroines woven into what began as a simple, but OK plot. Then we got to the first sex scene and oh boy. At the first mention of areolas, I smiled. At the second, I laughed. Labia, equally, threw me off. And by the time I found the first stiff cock, I was already giggling too much at the repeated mention of boobies to take the poor guy seriously.

Do use grown up vocabulary.

Ass, tit, dick, cock, pussy, clit. If you’ve ever seen Trainwreck, you’ll remember that opening scene where Amy Schumer asks her partner to talk dirty to her. When you’re at your hottest, just think, which would you rather someone whisper in your ear? “I wanna fuck your vagina,” or “I wanna fuck your pussy.” “Let me lick your labia,” or “Let me lick your clit.” Anatomical descriptions never win.

Don’t overuse your favorite vocabulary.

This to me is the hardest bit. You’ve already mentioned his cock and his dick in the same paragraph but the sex isn’t over yet. So then you find yourself moving into your second tier vocab. ‘His thick shaft,’ ‘his hardened length,’ ‘his pulsing manhood.’ This gets us into the whole world of adjectives.
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Do use adjectives – but use them sparingly.

When too many things start throbbing the whole scene starts to get ugly. Adjectives can be very useful in describing your second tier vocabulary. If you just said ‘length’ your reader might double take to understand what you’re talking about. Adjectives help pump life into a story, but can just as easily confuse paragraphs by creating redundancy. “Her dripping pussy was wet” is not as good as “Her pussy was wet” and, “Her dripping pussy was ready for him” might not be as good as “Her pussy was wet and ready for him.” As is the case with all my writing, I try as much as possible to abide by the rule of KISS – Keep It Simple Stupid.

Don’t forget that what happens is not as important as how it feels.

You’ve got limbs moving and bodies thrusting, but describing how her leg lifted to move your couple into a different position is not as important as how his hand felt on the inside of her thigh, or how her skin tasted when he kissed the back of her neck. Don’t get so bogged down in the physical motions you forget about those sensory details.

Do use personal experience, but don’t only use it.

Writing about sex if you’ve never had it might be a challenge, but just because it’s a challenge doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. Your fantasy may well be fantasies shared by others, so you’d do them a disservice by not guiding them through it. However, I read a book recently where anytime the man penetrated the woman, she immediately shattered apart in some sort of mind boggling orgasm. This pulled me out of the story. Using your personal experiences might be helpful in remembering what is biologically possible, and what is too outlandish to believe, even in fiction.

Don’t be embarrassed.

This may be the most important thing to bear in mind: you’re writing a sex book. Don’t be shy! So your mom might read it? Your in laws? Your boss? Your dad? The question becomes: do you want to write your book or theirs? If the answer is your book, then don’t hesitate to go balls deep (pun very much intended) and let your freak flag fly.

Elizabeth Stephens is a romance and science fiction author. Her newest release, The Hunting Town, came out July 16, 2017 and is a small town, mafia romance. Last year saw the publication of Saltlands, book two in a dystopian romance series which began with Population. More information can be found on her website, which also provides a free step-by-step self-publishing guide for aspiring authors.

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My thoughts are my own, but my pictures are generally found on Pinterest (you can find anything there!). If you like what I write, please share with your friends or someone you think would like it! I’d love it if you follow me on Facebook (Melissa Gale), Instagram (write2unpack), or Twitter (@write2unpack). If you have any topics you’d like to talk about, reach out to me at write2unpack@gmail.com. Oh, hey, and if you sign up to follow me you’ll never miss a post!

With very few exceptions, males of the human race have balls. Literally. Testicles that hang between their legs at their crotch, and after the age of, oh, I’d say 7? they take up enough space to make it uncomfortable for boys to sit with their legs tightly together. I don’t know for certain because I don’t actually have testicles, but I have a brother, had 2 husbands, raised 7 boys – and that’s 20 testicles.

The Best Husband Ever and I were having a conversation and it went something like this:

Him: “What are you writing about today?”

Me: “I was thinking about ‘manspreading.’ Orin sent me a link, and it’s illegal in Spain now.”

Him: “What’s ‘manspreading?’”

Me: “When guys sit in chairs with their legs all splayed open so they take up more than one seat.”

Him: “When did guys start doing that?”

Me: “Seriously?!?!?! How about ‘always?’”

Men have, as far as I know, always sat in chairs with their legs splayed open. Supposedly because the size of their testicles has precluded them from sitting in the confines of just one chair. Now, I understand that the extra junk between your legs is sensitive, and squishing them is uncomfortable, so I don’t believe men sitting with their knees tightly together would be suitable.  What I’m talking about is the excessive splaying of legs to take more than one seat – on the bus, in the airplane, in the movie theater… wherever.

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I’ve seen posts where guys say it’s The Feminists who have created this phenomenon, but I think it’s because dudes are being called out on their lack of manners. It’s not ok if women take more space, because they don’t have testicles, but since guys do – it’s ok. I disagree. People get angry if a large person sits next to them and encroaches on their space, but if a guy just bangs into you with his knees because he has testicles, that’s ok? What about pregnant women? They have an entire baby between their legs! I think it’s rude of anyone to encroach on another’s space. If there’s no one next to you, or standing without a seat because you’ve taken two, great – spread out. I would too. It’s more comfortable and you’re not being rude.

I’m not sure how I feel about the law in Madrid. On one hand I think it’s great. It’s about time someone stopped the obnoxious discourteousness of space hogs. On the other, what’s next? If bad manners are illegal, then when will not standing up and allowing an elderly person your seat on a bus, or not holding a door for a lady be criminal? If we ban being rude, then can we also make using common sense a law? I’ve always wondered why it’s called “common” sense when it seems so uncommon – but that’s a blog for another time.

So this week, my readers, I encourage you to be mindful of manspreading (and shebagging). Is it still manspreading if there’s no one next to you and no one else who needs a seat? Should it be illegal or is it just ill-mannered? If you have testicles, is it possible to sit in just one seat? Is it just another insecure show of “my junk is bigger than your junk?” You make the call.

My thoughts are my own, but my pictures are generally found on Pinterest (you can find anything there!). If you like what I write, please share with your friends or someone you think would like it! I’d love it if you follow me on Facebook (Melissa Gale), Instagram (write2unpack), or Twitter (@write2unpack). If you have any topics you’d like to talk about, reach out to me at write2unpack@gmail.com. Oh, hey, and if you sign up to follow me you’ll never miss a post!

Have you ever had The Perfect Kiss?  You know, that one kiss that was so memorable and perfect that you remember it still today. I was sitting up late one night with The Best Husband Ever visiting (yes, even after 16 years of marriage we still do that) and we got to discussing kisses: first kisses, best kisses, bad kisses, and of course… The Perfect Kiss. He’s a damn good kisser, we had a lot of fun trying out different kisses that night, and I thought it was a super interesting idea and totally worth a blog post.  That’s how this month’s inspiration found me – in a late night discussion about kissing.

I’ve talked about kisses before in a couple different blogs. This one talks about The Best Kisses and we discuss the benefits of kissing, how to kiss, a couple of favorite spots, and this one where we discuss where to kiss, the importance of touch when you’re kissing, how words can be like kisses when we’re apart, and what’s actually in a kiss (spoiler alert: love, sadness, and forgiveness are a few).

Now, arguably, you could say that there are many perfect kisses: kisses that are full of love, longing, and passion, but I don’t want to talk about the little perfect kisses that pepper our lives. I want to talk about That-One-Kiss.  The kiss you’ll remember for all time.

For me that kiss found me when I was in college. When we kissed… the world spun away from me.  I remember it still and wrote about it in my (hopefully soon to be published) novel.

“Evan whispers my name as he kisses me. Not rough this time. This time soft, tender, full of love. I smile as we kiss, lips slightly parted and the tip of his tongue lightly brushes against mine. A breath of warm moves through me. That kind of warm makes me tremble, and my breath quickens when his tongue touches me.

Kisses like that can last a lifetime. Sometimes they have to, don’t they? Sometimes we hang on to kisses like that and live them. We cherish them and hold them tenderly in the easily accessible area of our brain and go back to retrieve them whenever we want, or are in need. Sometimes, if we visit that place often enough, kisses like that will stay with us as if they’re real. Sometimes kisses like that last as long as we need.”

The relationship didn’t end up working out, but I still remember that kiss. Not all kisses were so great, and The Perfect Kiss doesn’t have to be the first kiss. First kisses can be amazing, anticipated, and aching, but they can also be awkward, clumsy, and surprising – in a bad way. I dated a guy in high school who was super sweet, good looking, funny, and kissed like a hoover. Seriously, I thought he was trying to devour my entire face. It startled me and messed up my makeup. We didn’t date for long after that.

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I was (a lot) younger when my Perfect Kiss found me, which made me wonder: does age matter? As we grow and mature and become more sexually experienced does that lessen our chances for The Perfect Kiss?  It refines our kissing skills and makes us better lovers, we know more about what we want and generally what the other person wants, but does that somehow lessen our chances to have the knee-buckling-world-spinning-free-falling-perfect-kiss?

I have a friend who described her Perfect Kiss and how she “fell an eternity in a couple of seconds.” Powerful stuff, right? There’s powerful magic in The Perfect Kiss and I believe it finds us when it’s supposed to, even if the relationships don’t end up working out in the long run. She was a grown woman when her Perfect Kiss found her.

Perfect Kisses can be different. They can be passionate, tender, in the rain, on a beach, lip kisses, or forehead kisses. I think the one thing that all Perfect Kisses have is love – absolute, unconditional, forever love.

This month, my reader, I want you to kiss with intention. Fill your kisses with love, promise, hope, forgiveness, and maybe… an eternity.

My thoughts are my own, but my pictures are generally found on Pinterest (you can find anything there!). If you like what I write, please share with your friends or someone you think would like it! I’d love it if you follow me on Facebook (Melissa Gale), Instagram (write2unpack), or Twitter (@write2unpack). If you have any topics you’d like to talk about, reach out to me at write2unpack@gmail.com. Oh, hey, and if you sign up to follow me you’ll never miss a post!