Category Archives: Write2Unpack

With my mind preoccupied today by things that are hidden and unseen, it seemed like a natural choice to write about secrets.  “What do you want to say about secrets?” you ask. Well, I want to say they can be harmful, sometimes they’re necessary, and sometimes people use them like currency.

“ For just 3 easy payments I will tell you the secret to being successful/sexy/thin/happy/healthy/(insert the object of your desire)…”

My friend and I joke about “liar eyes” we see on others when they’re not telling the truth (keeping a secret). Secrets are kept in the soul – that’s why they can be seen in the eyes. Some secrets are harmless, but some will devour everything good until all that’s left is ugly.

Some secrets we don’t talk about but show by our actions. What are you afraid of losing? Take a look at what you take the most pictures of.

Secrets can be sexy. Well, mysteriousness is sexy anyway, and that’s kind of a secret. The attraction of what is unknown, what is unsaid, that push-pull conflict in the eyes. It’s the tension it creates. It compels people to find out.

What about secret wishes. Are they like a magic spell? Are they to be kept or to be shared? When I was a little girl I thought if I shared a wish it wouldn’t come true. Now my beliefs are a little more toward the Law of Attraction. If you think about it, dwell on it, wish for it – you’ll draw it to you: If you expect difficulty and a crappy experience that’s what you’ll have; If you focus on goodness and positivity – that’s what you’ll draw to you.

So, that being said, and with my blog tending to stray to the side of sexy, I am choosing to draw more positive and sexy people to me. How am I going to do that you ask? I’m going to share the 5 Secrets to Being Sexy with you so that you, my reader, will focus on that and become a fabulously positive and sexy person – thereby creating more positive and sexy in the world.

5.  Be playful. Fun is sexy. Enjoy life. Laugh. I love a guy who is playful can make me laugh.
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4.  Be aware of the 5 senses. Smell good – hygiene is important;

Look good – be mindful of the clothes you wear. As Sam Cooke sings, “You’ve got to accentuate the positive…”;

Sound good – don’t put others down, including yourself;

Feel good – from soft touchable fabric to soft healthy skin; and

Taste good – from enjoying the food you put in your mouth to that other sexy taste that is a bit too racy for this blog.

3.  Be smart. You don’t need to be a super intellectual, but having an interest in something and knowing something about it is a good thing. Smartness is sexy.

2.  Be genuine. Be comfortable being who you are. We all have bad days, we all have parts of our personality that we’d like to hide, but there is something amazingly sexy about someone who is confident enough to be vulnerable, to show that he is complex and flawed and beautiful.

1.  And the #1 way to be sexy… well, really it’s a sum up of all the points listed above: you have to be yourself – warts and all.

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Sex dreams are great because you can do things that you wouldn’t normally do, and have sex in places you wouldn’t normally. It’s like being a superhero. You can do anything and anyone in any way. Everyone’s had sex dreams, it’s perfectly normal and a natural part of our psyche. But is it cheating when you have sex with someone who isn’t your lover?

I had a dream once where I was fooling around with Andre the Giant.  I’m not going to lie – it was a little weird, but the weirdest part wasn’t that I was making out with a giant. Like most dreams the weirdest part seemed perfectly normal, in this dream the weird part was that I was totally confused about whether or not I was married or single.   I was actually married, but in my dream I was single and in college and living in an apartment. I kept thinking, “Wait! Stop! You’re married and have a baby!” And then I would look around my apartment and think “No, I’m in college in my apartment. And look at this body, I’ve never had a baby!”

And no, to answer your unasked question, Andre and I didn’t go all the way or even very far for that matter. I got all wrapped up inside my head about whether or not I was married, if I was in college or living in my house with my husband and child, and woke up shaking my head and thinking, “Really! Andre the Giant?!?!?”

So, is it cheating if you dream you have sex with or just make out with someone besides your lover?  What if it’s just a romantic dream and no sex happens? Is that cheating?

If you feel sexually attracted to someone in a dream is that the same thing as feeling those feelings in real life? I’ve had dreams so intense that when I woke up I was SO MAD at my husband that it took the better part of a day just to get over it.

He said something like:

“You can’t be mad at me for something I did in your dream! I can’t control that!”

My response:
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“The hell I can’t! I can be mad at you for anything I want to mad at you about… AND you were such a JERK!”

I can’t explain it, I mean, I know that he didn’t really do anything, but the feelings were still there.

I had a dream one time that I was stabbed in the stomach with a really long screwdriver.  I woke up with a jerk because the pain I felt was so real. Holding my stomach I scrambled to turn on the light to see it because it felt like I was bleeding. I hadn’t been stabbed, but my body felt like it. So when you have a sex dream and your body feels like it’s having sex or it wants to have sex, does that mean that you’re cheating? You aren’t actually having sex, but your body responds as if you are. We move in our sleep and sometimes, well, depending on how far the dream progresses, there may be a surprise when we are rather abruptly brought back to consciousness. No actual touching is happening, it’s all in our heads.

So if your body is responding, is that the same thing as the actual act of cheating? Let’s switch the shoe and put it on the other foot. What if it’s your lover who had a sex dream about someone else? Does that mean that you’re not what he really desires? That he really wants to have sex with that person or in that way? It’s easy to get all wrapped up in our own insecurities and think that we’re less than what the other person desires if their every sex dream and fantasy doesn’t include us. That’s simply not true. It took me dreaming of Andre the Giant to realize that we don’t get to choose what comes to us in dreams. Our dreams find us and take us on a journey of their choosing.

I believe that everyone in your dream represents some part of you, whether it’s a part you love, like, regret, or a part you detest. Sex in dreams is a way for our subconscious to work through any particular issue. Oh sure, some people may claim to control their dreams, but generally it’s our subconscious working – preparing to face fears or threats, or maybe just reflecting on something that happened during the day. There’s been a ton of books written about dreams and symbolism contained within them, and all the experts seem to agree that dreams are full of meaningful content, but we generally can’t choose what, or who, we dream about. I mean, if that were the case Adam Levine would have much busier nights, right?

So no. It’s not cheating. Cheating is intentional, knowing the impact and consequences and choosing that path anyway. Dreams are scary, weird, unpredictable, and sometimes sexy.

Besides, even Walt Disney said, “If you can dream it, you can do it.”

I’m always open to topic ideas, so feel free to leave me a comment below (click on “Reply”) with your topic idea or find me on Facebook and post your thoughts there. Oh, and be sure to follow me so you never miss a post!

Hemmingway said, “Write hard and clear about what hurts.” Well, what hurts right now is my heart for the pain my friend is in due to the loss of her nephew, for her brother and sister-in-law for the loss of their son, for the widowed bride for the loss of her husband, and for the babies they made for the loss of their daddy.

Last week my friend lost her nephew. Some of you knew him, some of you maybe not. I’ve known Brandon for about 20 years. We weren’t best friends, or even good friends for that matter, but he’d always say “hey” each time we met or passed while running. I met him through his aunt when we worked together. She’d tell me stories about how his mom and dad sure had their hands full with him. About how one time, when he was about 3-4 years old he’d been running through the house with a blanket over his head, ran square into a doorknob and had a goose egg the size of your fist on his head. His mom, a nurse, took him to the doctor and the doctor asked, “Well Brandon, how did this happen?” and the response from the red headed, leg swinging, goose-egged child, “My mom did it.”  Luckily his mom knew the doctor and he believed her when she explained that she had been chasing Brandon through the house, trying to catch him before he hurt himself, when he ran into the door.  And how that, to a child, made it his mother’s fault.

Brandon was 38 years old.  He got into some trouble as a youth, like many boys do, but he turned himself around and became an amazing athlete and an inspiration to many. He found a lovely woman to marry, and they have 2 children who are, more than likely, going to take after him in more ways than just his looks.  Brandon’s death is important, it means something and it hurts. But the pain is because his life meant something – and that’s more important. The most important thing about him was the life he lived, the lives he touched, the people he loved, and the people who loved him.

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It can be tricky to comfort a friend who’s grieving. I want to be there for her; to cry with her, to hold her, to love her, and to do anything that will ease her pain – if only for a little bit. Do I bring her dinner? Wash and detail her car? Buy her a massage? Show up unannounced and insist we cry together? I don’t want to push into her space if she needs time to be alone and cry, but I don’t want to leave her alone if she needs someone there. I chose to trust her.  She knows I’m just a phone call or text message away, and I’ll be there in a heartbeat with vodka and tissues if that’s what she needs – just like she’d do for me.

So what’s the message in this post? What I want to say this week is that grief is universal. It either has or will touch all of us.  And yeah, sure, we all grieve differently – we’re supposed to. We grieve at different rates, in different ways, and at different times. That’s not important. It’s not important how we grieve, just that we do it together.

I’m always open to topic ideas, so feel free to leave me a comment below (click on “Reply”) with your topic idea or find me on Facebook and post your thoughts there.