Category Archives: Write2Unpack

Stories of inspiration, things that are sexy, and the occasional random thought.

5 Ways to be Sexy (Not Smarmy)

With the Super Bowl in the lineup for my TV watching this weekend I have been hearing all sorts of stuff about Cam Newton. Now granted, I’m a 12. I love my Seahawks and believe they can do anything, but they didn’t make the Super Bowl this year. Cam and the Carolina Panthers did, and there’s a swirl of media surrounding him and his Arrogance/Confidence.

Supporters say it’s confidence and everyone hates him because he’s successful, critics say it’s arrogance and you can be successful and not be arrogant. It’s the old Confidence vs. Arrogance battle.

Well, in my blog I like to write about things that are sexy, so let’s spin it a little. Let’s view it as Sexy vs. Smarmy. We’ll take a look at the score sheet and you can decide for yourself – and also reflect on your own actions and how others might perceive them.

	SEXY	SMARMY
1.	Sexy allows actions and achievements to speak for themselves.	Smarmy brags about himself constantly.
2.	Sexy believes in himself. He lifts others up and inspires them.	Smarmy believes he is better than others. Smarmy makes condescending remarks because he needs to cut other people down to feel better about himself.
3.	Sexy admits his mistakes and strives to better himself.	Smarmy never admits he made a mistake (how could he if he’s better than everyone?) and justifies his actions, blaming others for all mistakes.
4.	Sexy is a good listener. He will look you in the eye and make you feel as if you have his undivided attention.	Smarmy interrupts often, looks at you occasionally, but constantly scans the room for someone “more important” to talk to.
5	Sexy is a team player. He is sure of his abilities and leads by helping others to correct mistakes and be better.	Smarmy dominates. He is smug and revels in the mistakes of others.

Well, how’d he do? Did he score more in the Sexy or more in the Smarmy?

Let’s spin the mirror around and look at ourselves. How did you do?

Sexy is internal. It’s caring and compassionate, elevating and inspirational, and being secure in sense of self. It is important to believe in yourself. If you don’t believe in yourself why should anyone else? But that’s different than believing that you’re better than others. It’s sexy when someone has the confidence to ask for what they want (in the bedroom or out), and sexy when someone listens to you intently.

This week I dare you to be sexy. I dare you to believe in yourself. I dare you to embrace constructive criticism and learn from it, to make a better you. I dare you to be kind to others and inspire them, to make eye contact and listen to them intently. I dare you to have such an unwavering sense of self that others will know it without you saying a word.

I love input, so please feel free to leave me a comment below, find me on Facebook (Melissa Gale), or send me an e-mail with your thoughts (write2unpack@gmail.com). Oh, and sign up to follow me. It’s quick, easy, and you won’t miss a post!

Clearing the Clutter

I love Hoarders. Not the people, although I do love some people who are hoarders, but the A&E Show “Hoarders.” This is a show about people so tortured and afraid to let go of even the smallest item that they’ve literally “buried” themselves alive in their own homes. I watch this show and it inspires me to go through my house and consider whether or not I need every treasure. Turns out – I do not.

“Outer order contributes to inner calm.”

With so much stress in the world around us today the importance of a clutter-free space is more important than ever. In the world of Feng Shui, low energy of clutter is detrimental to the bright, refreshing, uplifting energy that we all seek. Better productivity, more creativity, calmer and clearer thinking is definitely worth taking a look at your home.

Experts say you should first divide your clutter into 3 piles:

1. Things to donate. Hey, tax deductions are a good thing. You get “paid” for items you don’t need or never use, and someone else will buy them and put them to good use. It’s win-win.

2. Things to keep. Mementos, books that you love, sentimental treasures and things you really just can’t part with. I was cleaning out my basement and found a box full of old vinyl records. A friend suggested searching on Pinterest for repurposing old records, I did, and am amazed at the creativity of others and totally plan on making super-cool gifts out of my old memories. (Seriously, go to Pinterest and search “repurposing vinyl records.” You can find anything on Pinterest).

3. Things to throw away. Is it broken? Have you kept that broken exhaust fan motor because you’re going to fix it “someday?” Throw it out. It doesn’t serve you. Those clothes you’re going to lose the weight and fit into? Throw them out. When you do lose the weight celebrate and buy yourself updated clothes!

Clearing the clutter isn’t just for your house, or that back room. Clearing away clutter is important in your life too. Are you happy in your job? If you’re unhappy doing what you do then maybe it’s time to make a change. I’m not talking about quitting your job today and telling your boss “Melissa said I am supposed to do this!” I’m talking about taking some steps, or even just one step, toward what you really do want to do. What is it that drives you? Move toward that.

Are your relationships serving you? This year, as we move into Month #2 take a look at your life and assess your relationships. Are you in loving, compassionate, and supportive relationships? Do you spend time with people who lift you up and inspire you, or do you get sucked into those who thrive on drama and discord? Make a conscious choice to be a better person, to shed unwanted hate, and surround yourself with those who motivate and encourage you.

Tidying up your house (and life) is a good thing and an important thing. By getting rid of what doesn’t serve you, you make room for what does. You’ll be amazed at how much better you feel just clearing away the clutter.

Fabulously Flawed

“Why does everyone want to glamorize the dead?” This is the question that has been swirling in my brain for the last week. For those of you who didn’t catch last week’s post, my niece was horribly burned in a coffee stand fire and passed away on Monday, January 11. There has been a flood of support for her family and her two daughters (shameless GoFundMe link), which is wonderful and certainly needed. All beauty and grief aside, what kept poking at me was the fact all media/social media only talked about how wonderful and good she was (she was a good and wonderful person), but there was also more to her. We’re not perfect people – we’re flawed, and so this week’s blog post took form.

When someone passes I hear phrases like “devoted wife,” “dedicated father,” or “loving mother.” While these things may be true, I’d wager those people were more than just those generic labels. So do we use them because we only want to remember only the good stuff? Why is that? Aren’t they made up of good and bad, just like us? I think our flaws are as important to remember as our strengths.

I have many flaws – one of them is an irrational fear of spiders (Yes, I know I’m bigger. Yes, I know you can just squish them… I said it was irrational). I actually dated a guy for a week before I found out he was just as scared of spiders as I was… and that’s the reason we only dated for a week. But I choose to see this irrational fear not only as a weakness of mine, but also as an opportunity for someone (my hero) to save my life from that-which-must-never-touch-me, and for me to express gratitude and appreciation. Maybe we should look at our flaws as a means to attract the right people, rather than looking at them as a failing or a defect of some sort.

What if our imperfections are there to let our good parts be good and allow others to show their kindness and compassion? Have you seen the Disney Pixar movie Inside Out? It’s about the parts of us (Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear, and Disgust) and how they all work together inside us to make us who we are and, as it turns out…

*SPOILER ALERT*

Joy kept trying to get rid of Sadness but finally realized that Sadness was how others realized that (her person) Riley needed help, and that allowed others to show her love, and kindness, and compassion.

We are all flawed beings. I try to remember that when I’m working – that I’m dealing with flawed people who need my help. The get angry with me when I haven’t done anything to make them angry, they yell at me instead of having a simple conversation, they say mean things that are designed hurt… and I do my best for them anyway.

I know I’m not perfect, and I appreciate it when I’m treated with kindness anyway. I try to do the same for everyone I meet: for my clients, the cashier who’s obviously having “one of those days,” or the driver who insists on going 5 miles under the speed limit in the fast lane. I invite you to do the same. This next week make a conscious decision to pause and understand that the freakin’ jerk who just cut you off is flawed, and maybe he made a mistake, and maybe that’s ok. I mean after all, you have flaws too, and maybe your flaws are there to bring the right people (your hero) to you.

Category Archives: Write2Unpack

5 Ways to be Sexy (Not Smarmy)

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Clearing the Clutter

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Fabulously Flawed

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