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Yesterday I went for an impromptu hike with a couple of friends, and by “with” a couple of friends I mean one friend hiked with me and the other one (an uber athlete) ran the trails while we hiked. It was beautiful. The lupine and balsam root were blooming and we hiked up along the outside of Dry Gulch. Now, for those of you who aren’t familiar with Dry Gulch, there are some seriously “up” parts to the trail we were on (at one part of the hill I was pretty sure I would need a ladder to keep climbing). My calves were tight, my quads were burning, and my gluts were talking to me. That got me to thinking – it was a booty call, but a different kind than the typically referenced “Booty Call.” And so today’s blog post was born.

The Urban Dictionary defines a booty call as: “When someone of the opposite sex calls you up to ‘hang out over at your/their place’ – which in code means come over and have casual sex. It usually happens infrequently, without warning and normally occurs in the late night hours, resulting in hours of intense sex.”

The booty call has been around for ages, but new generations are always coming up with new ways to say it in “code.” Recently I found out that “Watch Netflix and chill” meant a booty call. That’s right, I’m so old and out of touch that I thought “watch Netflix and chill” actually meant to come over and watch something on Netflix, hang out, and visit. (Stop laughing…)

Different than one-night stands, or a “hookup,” a booty call is a casual sexual relationship between people who know and like each other (similar to “friends with benefits” where you have sex but remain only friends). This allows for a deeper emotional connection, and even a trial run at a long-term relationship, but without all the baggage of romance and relationship. Sounds great, right? Not always. There are dangers to the booty call:

You/he/or both of you could fall in love. It’s easy to fall in love with someone you’re sleeping with, especially if that someone is a friend. Friendships are valuable, and often last longer than relationships. If you do develop feelings for each other then the friendship is lost to the new relationship. If the relationship fails you’ve lost not only a boyfriend/girlfriend, but also a trusted friend who knows you better than 99% of the people in the world.

You/he get bored with each other. “Yeah, the sex was great… until it wasn’t.”

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Sexually transmitted disease or unwanted pregnancy. If you’re not in a committed relationship and are having casual sex, and your friend is having casual sex, safe and protected sex becomes of the utmost priority. Condoms and birth control are readily available in today’s society. You definitely don’t want a casual sexual encounter to turn into a trip to the doctor for some antibiotics (or worse), or to find out that your night of fun has turned into an 18 year commitment with your friend.

It’s not all doom and gloom though. A booty call can give you the experience of sex with different people, allow you to experiment and find out what you like and don’t like, experience dating different personality types, and to really find out what you want out of a relationship.

Whether the reward is worth the risk is up to you.

I had an amazing time yesterday. We don’t often go hiking together, me and this group of friends, but when we do it’s always a great time. My uber athlete friend has taken me and our other friend to places we’d never seen, and places I’d never go on my own (I get vertigo when on a tall edge and have had to “koala bear” with him to get across some parts). Like a typical booty call it’s always with friends, always energetic, and always a workout. But when I push my gluts to perform on a hillside trail it’s a booty call of another kind. Our connection to each other deepens, our trust in each other grows, and the intimacy of being alone in the wilderness strengthens our friendship – this is the booty call I prefer. I am truly thankful for both of them, for the friendship and trust they offer, and for this spiritually strengthening booty call.

My words are my thoughts, but my pictures are generally found on Pinterest (you can find anything there!). Feel free to follow me on Pinterest (Melissa Gale) or Facebook. I love feedback, and invite you to comment or e-mail me with your thoughts. Signing up to follow me is the best way to make sure you don’t miss a post!

Well, here we are. It’s the last Wednesday of March, and today is my 52nd post.  That’s right. I’ve officially been a Wednesday blogger for one year. I was inspired to write about “Assumptions” this week thanks to a rude, anonymous note that was left on my car (ironic that I was trying to be nice and got called a “Jackass,” isn’t it?), but then I remembered my friend Mark. Mark Neher is a talented local author, an intense and luminous teacher, and he’s my friend. Mark pointed out to me that everything is round (even wrote a book with the same title).  He’s right, you know, everything is round. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, people come in and out of our lives.  We have good times, bad times, and good times again.  I thought it fitting that since this is Blog Post #52, my year has circled back to the beginning, that this post should be his.

And so, my reader, I offer you his words. Mark is eccentric and his lessons aren’t always straight forward, but by forcing me to pause, to actually listen to what he’s saying, my understanding is so much deeper, fuller, and… rounder.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Is it Possible to Love Everyone?”

Most of us are taught to love God above all others, and ourselves if we don’t have a god to believe in. After that our conscience tells us to honor our parents, which becomes easier once we have children.

We have childhood friends, lifelong friends, and new-found friends. Friends of both gender, letters sent back to sender, grandchildren, and ex-lovers. Is it possible to love everyone?

It is, but it is a full time job and the only pay is forgiveness and hugs. What do you do about the buggers and the thugs or faces in the news? How can you love the hateful until you learn to sing the blues?

It takes blue and yellow to make green. What starts out as primary becomes secondary, but it isn’t less because it is further from your center. Actually, just like the Milky Way, the farther your energy and love move through time and space then the speed in which you have practiced for– grants you a star for your effort. Then you are close and yet light years from perfect. Just shiny and giddy.

Today for the seventeenth time at 17 different homes, I sought out my new neighbors. I’ve been blessed with hope and light powered by my pain. And I can see beauty when it is across the street. These people already love me because I love first. Now the boys have a straight backboard and baskets are more fun to make. They wonder who the hell I am, but they know that I’m not fake. They admit they should read more. I give them my book.

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I used to be an asshole and worked as one for years. Once I knew a mop handle was the feature of my fears.  I forgive, I trust, and most of all, I teach.

I love everyone, am disappointed by a few close to me, and all the ones with violence on the big balls they swing on the never ending pendulum. I guess I would wonder if you can’t love everyone how everyone would get along.

It is a choice and I am choosey

Agape is the Greek for brotherly love. Eros I’ll save for later.

The Word made the bird

So he started with doves

Peace is a pillow

Dreams from above

Love thy neighbor as yourself

And if you don’t love yourself

Many do.

It is possible to love everyone, but you need a strong stomach.

While you feed the world and skip dinner.

My friend’s daughter just started dating. She’s a beautiful, intelligent, and funny girl so it’s really no surprise that someone she works with noticed and wanted to spend more time with her.  That’s what sparked this week’s post: Is it a good idea to date someone you work with? Is it a terrible idea? Let’s discuss.

Pros

1. You have the perfect opportunity to get to know each other before actually “dating.” Think about it – with all the creeps out there work is the perfect place to find out if you have shared interests, shared ethics, and mutual attraction.  Be sure to remember that just because you work with someone doesn’t mean that you actually know them. They could have a violent or criminal past, or keep their dead pets in their basement.
2. You’re happier to go to work. You’ll actually look forward to going to work and your job performance can increase because of your attitude. You can’t always choose what happens at work, but you can choose your attitude and when you’re happy to be there the little things seem more like just that – little things.
3. It’s easy to be attracted to someone who shares the same workplace stressors and the same workplace victories. You’ll continually bond over the crises that you survive together, as well as the really great things that happen at work.
4. It can reduce workplace conflicts. If you’re in a relationship with someone at work and they do something wrong then you’re more likely to try to work things out and not be overly critical.
5. Forbidden love is exciting. There’s something invigorating about a secret that only you and your lover share, and when it’s about your romance that makes it even more exciting.

Workplace romance isn’t all sunshine and holding hands. Let’s check out the cons:

1. If you break up you have to still see your ex. This is a big one for me. When I broke up with my boyfriend the last thing I wanted to do was spend more time with him.
2. Your job performance can decrease. If you constantly take breaks together, long “lunches,” or spend too much time visiting and not getting work done, your work will suffer and so will your co-workers who have to pick up the slack.
3. Damaged morale. If your job performance decreases or there’s perceived favoritism it can lead to bad feelings and decreased morale at work.

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4. Loss of respect/credibility. If you’re a waitress and everyone knows you’re dating the cook they’ll start to watch and see if your meals come up faster, or first, and if you say “He’s a really great cook” they’ll just think that you’re saying that because you’re dating.
5. Sexual harassment. Are you dating laterally or are you dating your supervisor? Most businesses have rules against supervisors dating their subordinates – for good reason. If the subordinate felt he/she was being treated differently then they could claim sexual harassment. If you break up and he still pursues you at work that can be sexual harassment. Your boss can get in trouble, you can get in trouble, he can get in trouble.  This is a very serious (and legal) consideration.

So what do you do? You’ve found the perfect guy to date and you happen to work together. Maybe he’s “the one” or maybe he’s just perfect for right now.  How do you decide? You could ask yourself these questions:

1. Why? Why do you want to date someone you work with? There’s plenty of fish in the sea, so what’s so special about this guy?
2. What happens if the relationship ends? Definitely worth talking about with your potential lover – don’t you think?
3. What happens if everyone knows? How are you going to approach problems like “you’re just saying that because you’re dating.” and perceived favoritism?
4. Are you dating a superior/subordinate or an “equal?” Be aware of the potential for sexual harassment.
5. How will your romance affect your productivity? Be conscious of your attitude, and how much time you spend together.

So is it worth it? I guess it just depends. We can’t choose who we fall in love with. When I was 21 and working as a waitress I dated and later married my manager.  We divorced years later, but he was definitely worth all the bad that came with a workplace romance.

Is it worth it to you? You’re the only one who can decide if they’re worth it. So go in to the relationship with your eyes open and ready for the repercussions… or the best thing that ever happened to you.

My words are my thoughts, but my pictures are generally found on Pinterest (you can find anything there!). Feel free to follow me on Pinterest (Melissa Gale) or Facebook. I love feedback, and invite you to comment or e-mail me with your thoughts. Signing up to follow me is the best way to make sure you don’t miss a post!