Category Archives: Write2Unpack

Yesterday my friend and I were having our hair done and we pulled a prank on our hair dresser. While she was in the back mixing the color for our foils we put googly-eyes on the pictures in her salon. It was so much fun! We were dying inside trying to keep our composure (note: we’re both terrible at poker). She eventually noticed and, being the good sport she is, we all had a good laugh about it.  Today she posted pics of the googly-eyed pictures and tagged us on Facebook. Ah the sweet revenge of social media…

We had a glass of wine after and talked about how much fun it was and how great it felt to have such a nice laugh.  As grown-ups we have so many responsibilities that the times when you laugh so hard you cry seem to be fewer and fewer. We were discussing possible blog post ideas, and since I’ve already written about about laughter (shamless blog plug), I thought I’d do one about smiling.

People smile for many reasons: They smile because they’re happy.

They smile to intimidate.

And they smile to hide pain/sadness/depression.

So how do you tell a fake smile from a real smile? Well, you probably haven’t thought about it much, but I bet you can subconsciously tell a fake smile from a real smile. Here, give it a try. Which one is the real smile?

Pretty easy, right? That means you have empathy. Turns out, the more empathy you have the easier it is to tell real vs. fake expressions. In any given situation most people are able to identify a real smile.
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Don’t worry if you couldn’t quickly tell which one was the real one, I’m here to help. I looked on-line (hey, it must be real if it’s on-line, right?) and found some quick tips to tell how to tell if a smile is fake.  Here’s a link to the full article, but briefly the tips are:

Real Smile                                         Fake Smile

Closed eyes                                         Open eyes

Crow’s feet                                         No crow’s feet

No bottom teeth                                 Bottom teeth

In 1872 Charles Darwin first posed the idea that our feelings are influenced by our outward emotional responses.  He wrote, “The free expression by outward signs of an emotion intensifies it.”

There are all sorts of studies on-line about test subjects who smile or frown while performing various tests (everything from feeling pain to looking at comics) and repeatedly the studies showed that those who smile feel less pain, are happier, and see more humor in things.

Put simply: we smile when we’re happy, and smiling can make us happy too. Your brain knows what your body is doing, and that effects your emotions.  Try it.  First smile. Having trouble? Here’s a funny picture to help.

Feels good doesn’t it?  Now frown. Contract your eyebrows.  It’s ok, I’ll wait…

How did that feel. Didn’t feel as good did it.  Your situation didn’t change. You’re still reading my delightfully charming blog post, but I’ll bet with the change in your expression came a change in your emotions.

This week what I want to leave you with is this: There’s already too much negativity in the world. Smiles make us feel good, and smiles are contagious.  This week I want you to smile more. Smile at the grocery clerk, smile at the person passing you on the street, smile as you talk on the phone.

I love to smile and laugh, and anyone who does that instantly delights me.  Yesterday with my friend was so much fun. She’s always up for shenanigans with me and I truly appreciate her.

“It’s a good day when you’ve laughed so hard

you don’t have any mascara left at the end of the day.”

 Sandra Mueller

My words are my thoughts, but my pictures are generally found on Pinterest (you can find anything there!). Feel free to follow me on Pinterest (Melissa Gale) or Facebook. I love feedback, and invite you to comment or e-mail me with your thoughts. Signing up to follow me is the best way to make sure you don’t miss a post!

First things first: Happy birthday to my wonderful son, Ahren! Ahren is my youngest child and today he enters into The World of Double Digits.  That’s right.  Today my son turns 10! I love him to the moon and back and wanted to the world to know it was his birthday and ask you to send him “happy birthday” energy. So reach out with your minds and your hearts and send him a birthday wish or two.

That brings us to this week’s post – energy, specifically residual energy.

Pretty much everyone has heard of the Left Behind book series written by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins. Stories about those who have been “left behind” on this earth after the true believers in Christ ascend into heaven. This week I’ve been thinking about unseen energy we can feel, especially energy that has been left behind.

Energy is carried within and around us.  Everything runs on energy – from electronics that run on electricity, to our bodies that run on nerve impulses sent from our brains. When we are in a state of heightened emotions our bodies can’t contain the energy within us and it seeps out.  I mean, c’mon, have you ever tried to use a copier when you’re up against a deadline and the stupid copier keeps jamming or sucking through too many pages? Tell me that’s not directly related to the level of frustration and (panic) anxiety I’m feeling.

Humans are sentient beings. We feel sad when someone’s hurt, we feel glad when someone’s happy, and we can feel energy and emotion in those around us. We can feel love radiate between the elderly couple as they hold hands sitting on the bus, or the pain in our friend as they sit beside us trying to “keep it together” after receiving terrible news.  Sometimes energy is not cleared from the interaction and gets left behind.  If we argue, or speak with elevated emotions, we release energy into the air and even though we may move from that location the energy remains. I would wager that most everyone has approached an empty classroom, or stage, or meeting room and felt anxious or tense even though there was no apparent reason.

The phrase “Clear the air” applies to residual energy, it means to clear away any leftover bad feelings or insecurities. “The meeting didn’t solve anything but at least it cleared the air.” (Nerd Alert: The figurative meaning was used in 1380 when John Wyclif wrote that “winds of truth should blow away heresies, and clear the airs of holy church, which is now full troubled.” James Rogers, The Dictionary of Cliches).

All this unseen, sometimes residual, energy has been persistently on my mind. From the client who smiles at me but doesn’t really mean it, to the calming energy emanating from my yoga instructor – I am absolutely fascinated by this ability we have to feel things that we can’t see.  Think you can’t feel it? I bet you can. Ever held two magnets in your hands and then draw them together? You can’t see the magnetic energy, but I bet you felt them draw together or push apart.

I believe that certain places have a certain “vibe” to them due to the residual energy of what happened there before.  When I was in Kentucky I was lucky enough to take a tour of the Waverly Hills Sanatorium.  One of “the most haunted places in America,” Waverly Hills was a tuberculosis ward in the early 1900s. Back when there was no cure for TB, and when medical treatments were barbaric compared to medicine today (did you know doctors actually removed ribs to give patients’ lungs more room to expand? – Side note: it didn’t work), hundreds of people died within those walls. It’s been the subject of many ghost hunters not just for the active paranormal activity, but the residual energy and hauntings experienced by many visitors and employees. I love a good haunted house and Waverly Hills Sanatorium didn’t let me down. The energy of that place was electric, oppressive, and dense.
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I have several places on my bucket list I want to visit just to experience the vibration. I want to visit Easter Island and see the giant stone heads, Stonehenge in England, the lavender fields of France, pretty much anywhere in Greece, and this year for my birthday The Best Husband Ever is taking me to New Orleans, Louisiana (also on my bucket list). I can’t wait to walk through the French Quarter and look at the buildings, many built before the 1800’s, and soak up the energy that remains from years of history, glory, and tragedy that have accumulated.  In addition to going to a Seahawks game at the Mercedez-Benz Stadium to watch them battle the New Orleans Saints (Sea-HAWKS!!!), my friend and I are also planning on visiting St. Louis Cemetery #1.  Because New Orleans is built on a swamp, they’ve had to bury their dead above ground creating what is fittingly called “Cities of the Dead.”  I can’t wait to tour the holding place of the bodies of hundreds – including Marie Laveau, the legendary “voodoo queen.”  The energy of that place has got to be amazing!!!  I’ll be sure to report back any great experiences.

So what is my message for you this week? It’s not as dark as haunted houses and cemetaries might lead you to believe, my message is that energy is all around us. We are constantly emitting and receiving it.  Buddha said, “A thousand candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”

Be aware of what kind of energy you’re sending out into the world – it makes a difference. Choose happiness this next week and see what happens.

I’d love to hear about any “energy” experiences you have. Whether it’s a great Reiki healer, a haunted house, having someone stand next to you and you instantly know what they’re feeling… I’d love to know!

My words are my thoughts, but my pictures are generally found on Pinterest (you can find anything there!). Feel free to follow me on Pinterest (Melissa Gale) or Facebook. I love feedback, and invite you to comment or e-mail me with your thoughts. Signing up to follow me is the best way to make sure you don’t miss a post!

Ok, I’ve been talking about writing about assumptions for a couple of blog posts now and the time is finally here.  Let’s talk about it!

First, let’s start with some goodness. Assumptions can be good.  We assume that the scary biker dude down the dark alley might hurt us and we avoid the dark alley.  Now, there’s a chance that the scary biker dude might be a wonderful man who will protect a girl with everything he’s got, but I’ll probably continue avoiding dark alleys with anyone lurking in them just the same.

Ok, now for the part of my post that has been swirling around in my brain – the downside to assumptions.

Assumptions cause erroneous beliefs.  I’m a friendly girl.  I like to talk to people.  I also write about sex. (No, not on my blog – it’s PG). People assume because I’m friendly and write about sex that I’m trying to seduce them.  Just because I talk to you doesn’t mean I want to have sex with you. I’m approachable, outgoing, and generally interested in what you have to say. Trust me, if I wanted to have sex with you there would be no question in your mind and no need for any assumption.

Assumptions can be dangerous.  Assuming the guy you just met is a good guy is a dangerous assumption to make. I’m not saying you should be distrustful of everyone you meet, just that you shouldn’t assume because he’s educated, has a nice smile, and is charming that he’s a prince.  What? You disagree?  I have two words for you: Ted Bundy.  Especially for women, in today’s society making snap assumptions about a stranger’s motivation is dangerous.

Assumptions can cause hurt feelings. Did you know that when someone is quiet people will automatically assume that they’re angry? According to the internet (assuming everything on the internet is true…) a person will automatically assume another person is upset with them if they’re quiet.  I wonder if this is because we’ve become so accustomed to immediate response (internet, text messaging, social media) that we believe that any silence or pause in communication indicates anger, or sadness.  Maybe instead of assuming someone is angry or upset we should just ask them.

Assumptions are reflections of the “Assumor” (That’s right. I’m a writer, I get to make up my own words).  The person doing the assuming is the Assumor, and the person who is being assumed about is the Assumee. Need a for example? For example: I’m the Assumee who parked just over the line of my office’s two parking spots. The Assumor who left the rude anonymous note on my car mistakenly believed I was being a “jackass” because I took a little more than one parking space.  The Assumor did not know that my office pays for two spots, that my boss was working from home, my friend/co-worker wasn’t at work that day, and that I was actually being nice to the people who park on either side of our parking spots.  The fact that the Assumor felt compelled to leave a discourteous and unsigned note speaks more to her character than any perceived parking transgression on my part.  My point? Be careful of what you assume – it reveals more about you than anyone else.

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Assumptions can lead to missed opportunities.   The note my Assumor left on my car was a receipt from the local 7-11.  It didn’t have a name on it, but it did have the purchases: A green Naked juice, and a peanut butter Ciff Bar.  Now if I assumed that all green-juice-drinking-peanut-butter-cliff-bar-eating people were ill-mannered and disrespectful, I might miss out on a wonderful opportunity to develop a friendship with someone whose heart was in the right place, who believes in doing the right thing, who saw what she perceived to be a social injustice and sought only to shame the wrong-doer into doing the right thing next time.

My message to you this week, my reader, is to think twice before assuming and then acting.  When I saw the note on my car my feelings were instantly hurt, but then I realized two things.

1.   I didn’t do anything wrong.

2.  I didn’t really care what some unnamed impolite person who knows nothing about me or my motivations thinks about my parking job.

Not everyone is as well-adjusted as I am (stop laughing), and by making assumptions you could cause hurt feelings, bad feeling, and resentment.  The world already has too much of that in it.  Instead of assuming: ask questions, communicate with each other, and don’t take it personally if someone makes a wrong assumption about you.

My words are my thoughts, but my pictures are generally found on Pinterest (you can find anything there!). Feel free to follow me on Pinterest (Melissa Gale) or Facebook. I love feedback, and invite you to comment or e-mail me with your thoughts. Signing up to follow me is the best way to make sure you don’t miss a post!