Category Archives: Write2Unpack

It’s important, critically important. Spouse, Girlfriend/Boyfriend, Partner or Lover… whatever you want to call them. The hustle of the holidays is here and my available time, already pretty small, is even tighter. I was talking with The Best Husband Ever last night after the boys were in bed, and we talked about how much we need that time – the time after the kids are tucked in before we go to bed. That time is so important to us I thought it deserved its own post. Let’s talk time.

Everything takes time: kids, friends, lovers, work, pets and chores. When we get super busy, say around Christmas for example, we tend to give our lovers the short end of the stick. They get the “us” that has been working all day, then went to the store to do some Christmas shopping for the family, then stopped at the grocery store, then came home and made dinner, wrangled kids and then, finally, have a minute to sit down and our patience and understanding is probably not what it should be.

How many times have you gotten to the end of the week and not had a real conversation with your lover? Oh sure you’ve talked about kids, or work, or that asshole that cut you off, but you haven’t really spent any time connecting with him/her. If the world goes to shit TBHE is my support. He shoulders the weight of the finances, the house, the kids – everything I do. He’s my partner in life. I need to remind myself that he’s the one I’ve married; not my work, not my kids, and keeping the house clean is certainly not more important than he is – and I need to make the time (and be patient and kind) to reconnect with him.

Sounds great, doesn’t it? Just “make time.” Yeah, right, I know. But there are ways to carve out a little time to reconnect with your lover. Let’s talk about some:

1. When the kids are down. My boys have an 8:00 bed time, usually they’re all brushed and read and tucked by 8:30. My bed time is 10:00 at the latest. That’s an hour and a half my husband and I have on our own. It doesn’t work every night, of course, but most nights we’ve dedicated that time to sit and talk to each other. We watch TV and talk about the kids, our day, politics, how I hate politics, things we want to get done, why that one string of solar lights has never really worked the way it should… sometimes we even talk about difficult, “real,” things like how his MS is getting worse and what we’re going to do about it.  Regardless, I cherish that time and protect it fiercely as my time with TBHE.
2. Plan for it. Plan date night and then follow through with it. You can do it. Your lover is worth an hour once a week, or once a month to have lunch, or dinner, or a quiet car ride to look at Christmas lights.
3. Turn off the radio, cell phones. If you’re running errands together try turning off the radio and putting your phone down and actually talking to each other.  You have a captive audience!  What could be better?

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4. Is there something that you and your lover both enjoy? The Ex liked to spend a lot of time tinkering in the garage. In order to spend time with him I went out with him and asked him about what he was doing. He taught me how to do body work and rebuild a tranny. We worked on rebuilding a 1967 Pontiac Firebird 400 together. It doesn’t matter what you do together: dancing, cooking, or hiking can be great time together and allow you both the opportunity to really connect with each other. If you can’t think of anything, make a list of things you’d both like to try and then start checking off the list!
5. Sex/Intimacy. You knew this was going to be in here, didn’t you? What’s more intimate and “reconnecting” than sex or being intimate with your lover? When we’re so tired from the day, and burnt from taking care of kids, spontaneous sex usually isn’t in the cards. Plan time to be intimate with each other. That connection will be the glue that holds you together during the tough times.

So, there it is, give it a try. Heck, try a couple of them and see what wonderful connections you can create with your lover by simply making quality time for them.

I know it’s a crazy time of year. Honestly, it’s always a crazy time of year. There is always more to do and more that needs your attention.  This week, my reader, I encourage you to be diligent and watchful to make sure things that aren’t that important don’t start nosing in on the time you should be spending on things that really are important.

My thoughts are my own, but my pictures are generally found on Pinterest (you can find anything there!). If you like what I write, please share with your friends or someone you think would like it! I’d love it if you follow me on Facebook (Melissa Gale), Instagram (write2unpack), or Twitter (@write2unpack). If you have any topics you think I should talk about, reach out to me at write2unpack@gmail.com. Oh, hey, and if you sign up here to follow me you’ll never miss a post!

Pearl Harbor Day and the day my grandfather, a gunner in the Navy, fought the Japanese at Pearl Harbor. That day, this day 75 years ago, kept my grandfather from ever taking my grandmother to Hawaii. “Lissa, I’ve seen too much of that island.” He once told me.  I think that’s the only thing he ever told me about being in the war. I love him and miss him and grandma every day. Hat-tip to you grandpa. Thank you for your service and for loving us fiercely.

With that nod to a great man, let’s journey on to this week’s post.  I’ve been thinking about the ending of this year, circling into the beginning of the next: resolutions, accountability, and, of course, beginnings – new beginnings specifically. And what’s more fun to talk about than the new beginning and awkwardness of when you first meet someone and you (or they) try out their best pick up line?

You just said it, didn’t you? You either said the worst pick up line you’ve ever heard or went, “Ugh.” What is it about pick-up lines? Why do people use the cheesiest lines known to man? To break the ice? To show off their wit?  Let’s explore the importance of a first impression.

1. “If God didn’t want us to judge a book by its cover he wouldn’t have put them on.” Even before the words come out of your mouth, you’re making an impression. First impressions are what many people judge us by and decide whether or not we’re worthy of their time and conversation. Personal appearance is tantamount. You can’t control your physical features, but you do choose your clothing style, grooming, hygiene, etc. The general rule is, “If it’s not helping, it’s hurting.”
2. “You only get one chance to make a first impression.” Yeah, it’s cliché, but it’s true. There are no do-overs, no reset button, you get one shot – that’s it.  Make it a good one.
3. “Your first instinct is usually correct.” I learned this in school when I was taking tests.  It was true then and has served me well over the years as everything from food server to now working as a paralegal. I make snap judgments about people from the instant I meet them, the way they look, the words they say, and their manners.

So what’s a good way to make a first impression?  It’s just common sense:

1. Firm handshake. Don’t break their hand or give them a wet noodle. Just a nice, firm, confident handshake.
2. Eye contact. Make eye contact. Don’t stare them down, but don’t stare at their chest or off to the side somewhere.
3. Don’t be a shark and show all your teeth, but smile nicely – genuinely.

Now let’s move on to pick up lines. Let’s assume that you’re out at a bar/restaurant/ whatever. First, the good:

• “Hi. How are you? You look (nice, hot, amazing, etc.) and I had to come over and introduce myself. I’m (your name.)”
• “Can I buy you a drink?”
• “Hi, I’m (your name). Can I join you?”

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Then the bad (ugh):

•  “Do you believe in love at first sight? If not, I’ll walk by again.”
•  “If you were a Transformer you’d be Optimus Fine.”
•   “Do I know you? Because you look a lot like my new girlfriend.”

And the ugly (groan):

•  “Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a footlong.”
•  “I’ve had such an off week, but seeing you just turns me on.”
•  “You’re hot, I’m ugly, let’s make average babies.”

There’s a lot to be said about humor, and maybe these lines actually work if you spin them as humor, but generally women don’t warm up to smarmy. As for me, I prefer a more straight forward approach. Be kind, be genuine, and let me decide.

This week, my reader, I challenge you to make a good first impression. Introduce yourself to someone new and be aware of your eye contact, your handshake, smile genuinely, and be mindful of your pick up line.  Oh, and send me your favorite pick up line!

My thoughts are my own, but my pictures are generally found on Pinterest (you can find anything there!). If you like what I write, please share with your friends or someone you think would like it! I’d love it if you follow me on Facebook (Melissa Gale), Instagram (write2unpack), or Twitter (@write2unpack). If you have any topics you think I should talk about, reach out to me at write2unpack@gmail.com. Oh, hey, and if you sign up here to follow me you’ll never miss a post!

This week two new business opportunities presented themselves to me. While it’s all very hush-hush until we figure out how or if they’re even a possibility, it got my wheels turning. The possibility of a new, hopefully lucrative, business, and a new idea for a book of erotic short stories has my mind consumed with the idea of teamwork.

My friend, “Helen,” once told me: “No one can do it alone.” At first I thought he was wrong. I had been a single mom, working 40+ hours a week to keep my daughter in daycare while I was at work, and eating ramen and saltines for dinner to ensure there was enough money to buy nutritious food for her. In order to pay bills I employed the “rob Peter to pay Paul” method.  It wasn’t easy, but we made it through, and I did it on my own. Then I realized I hadn’t done it on my own – my ex (for all our disagreements) was a good dad, and I had friends and family who loved and supported me through that tough time. I was part of a team.

Teams don’t just come in the sports variety, they come in every shape and form.  In the most basic sense teams are comprised of individuals who:

1. Have a common goal.
2. Mutually respect each other.
3. Openly encourage and support each other.
4. Understand each other’s’ strengths and weaknesses.
5. Are committed to each other and their common goal.

My friends and family were my team that held me accountable and cheered my successes. They know who I am, warts and all, and love me anyway.

With this new business venture, and the exciting possibility that self-publishing is actually an option for me, I’m excited about the many benefits of working as a team:

1. Working as a team multiplies your successes, and your chances for success.
2. It encourages creativity and continual learning.

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3. It makes the job easier.
4. It allows you to maximize your strengths and minimize your weaknesses.
5. Work is fun.

Don’t limit yourself to just one. It’s possible to be part of many teams, just be sure you don’t over extend yourself.  I also recently joined a planning and accountability group humorously named “Take 2017 And Shake It By The Neck Until It Gives Us What We Want.” I’d say it was meant to be a joke, but it’s hosted by Jason Brick, who’s as deadly (literally) as he is sexy.

Regardless, I’m going to use this group and all their love and cheerful mockery to help me achieve greatness in the coming year.

Do remember your home team: your partner, your family, and your chosen family. They’re the ones who will love you until the end, and they’re counting on you too. This week, my reader, I encourage you to take a moment and take note of the various teams you’re playing on. Do they love and support you? Do you love and support them? Pay attention to what you can offer, and what you want to offer. If the team isn’t serving your needs – find another team better suited for your needs. If you’ve been on the bench for too long – step in and shoulder some of the weight. Your team is counting on you. Now, get out there and start reaping the rewards of teamwork!

My thoughts are my own, but my pictures are generally found on Pinterest (you can find anything there!). If you like what I write, please share with your friends or someone you think would like it! I’d love it if you follow me on Facebook (Melissa Gale), Instagram (write2unpack), or Twitter (@write2unpack). If you have any topics you think I should talk about, reach out to me at write2unpack@gmail.com. Oh, hey, and if you sign up here to follow me you’ll never miss a post!