Choose Your Wolf

June is here and we’re officially halfway through the year. I’ve had some life challenges and no doubt you have too. So, today’s question is: what are you going to do with the next six months of 2024? Let’s start with a fable:

“The Tale of Two Wolves”

Grandfather sits near the firepit by his young grandson. Crackles and pops are the only sounds as they sit, each lost in their own thoughts about the happenings of the day. The grandson had gotten into trouble at school earlier and had just been punished by his parents before coming outside.

Finally, Grandfather speaks.

“Everyone has two wolves inside them. One is Evil. It is hate, fear, jealousy, and arrogance. The other is Good. It is love, courage, kindness, and hope.”

The grandson thinks for a moment then says, “I’ve felt them both. Today the Evil Wolf came out and I did things I’m not proud of. But sometimes the Good Wolf comes out and I treat others with kindness and love.”

Grandfather nods, smiling.

“Yes, these wolves constantly battle each other for dominance.”

The grandson picks at a stick, staring into the fire.

“How do you know which wolf will win?”

Grandfather pulls him into a hug, whiskers catching in his grandson’s hair.

“The wolf that wins is the one you feed.”

I’ve been struggling recently with life and its challenges. My dad has health issues and is refusing to take care of himself, and work has really ramped up. These are in addition to my already present struggles of caring for my disabled husband, my youngest son who’s just graduated, and trying to get my house and gardens cleaned and in order. Oh, and because I didn’t have enough to do, I’ve taken on the role of President of Write On The River – our local writing community and a fabulous organization.

I want to make writing That Thing that pays for my dream life, and to do that I’ve decided I need to put more energy into projects that move me in that direction. Turns out, not putting energy into that direction hasn’t led me to my dream life. My goals for the next six months include, among other things, compiling my full-length manuscript into a story that makes sense, and getting my already written horror and erotic short stories buttoned up and polished and ready for submission.

What does this have to do with the fable? Basically, fear – the Evil Wolf. I’m afraid. I’m afraid of failure. I fail at so many things, and what if everyone hates my stories? I’ll have to keep doing what I’ve been doing for the last 20+ years. It’s not a bad gig. I like my boss and co-workers, and I’m pretty good at it, but it doesn’t feed my soul.

Honestly, I’m more afraid of success – the Good Wolf. What if people like what I write and want more? That’s a life changer. More of my time doing That Thing I love leaves less time for other things. It’s change, and change is scary. It’s much more comfortable to keep doing the same thing – even though it’s not as fulfilling.

After a conversation with my therapist and a gentle reminder that I’m terrible at setting boundaries and valuing myself and my talents at least as much as I would a friend, I’ve decided to work on saying “no” and meaning it, and setting boundaries to protect myself from things that devalue me.

At LEAF gym, you will often hear me say, “I’m so excited for this opportunity to practice my wallballs/burpees/front squats/whatever…” It’s not because I’m actually excited for the day’s workout (no offense Coach Sonya), it’s because I’m afraid of the workout, and I need to change my inner dialog. Our bodies believe what we tell them. If I tell myself I’m afraid, I feel fear. If I tell myself I’m excited, I feel enthusiasm.

So, my reader, in the next six months I am going to change my inner dialog about my life goals. I’m going to choose excitement over fear, and I’m going to work on valuing my time and my work at least as much as I would a friend’s – including boundary setting and keeping.

I invite you to do the same. Whether it’s increasing your weekly workouts, eating cleaner, building a business, or any other goal you have. What changes do you need to make to make them happen? Change your narrative. Change your energy. Feed the Good Wolf.

Melissa Campbell is a litigation paralegal by day, but a storyteller at heart. If she’s not at the office or creating new worlds, she’s probably spending time with her husband of 21 years or her children who still think she’s cool enough to hang out with. Otherwise, you can find her paddleboarding or in her gardens recharging in nature.

February: The Tower

The new moon in Pisces is today. A time of darkness, and the perfect time to reflect inward about how to manifest your dreams. I often pull a Tarot card for writing inspiration, and the card that has been coming up lately is The Tower. Yikes! While the Death card in the Tarot is usually what everyone is afraid of, even Death’s impressively transformational energy is small potatoes compared to energy of The Tower.

This card shows a tower perched on top of a mountain. Lightning strikes the top, knocking it off and setting the physical structure on fire. Two people leap desperately from the flaming tower, as fire rains from the sky. This is a card of sudden and massive destruction on a physical level.

When The Tower appears in a reading, you can expect (or perhaps have just experienced) destruction of your sense of comfort and stability. A foundational belief of yours has been or will be suddenly revealed as false. You will likely already be aware of the destruction, but sometimes the foundational shake up is on your subconscious level. Ask yourself, “What in my life is breaking down?” This is a super intense energy and will penetrate your spirit, emotions, and body.

Terrifying, right? Absolutely, but not all is lost! As with everything, with the destruction of old ways of thinking, a better path is revealed.

Think of it like a forest fire: terrifying, sudden, sweeping destruction, but it paves the way for new growth. This dark and powerful card brings with it the fantastic ability to transform. Although often painful, the awakening you’ll experience will bring freedom, inspiration and release you from bondage (the two people leaping from the tower are the same two people chained and bound in The Devil card – more on that later).

In the Tarot, The Fool shows us the naïve childlike version of “leap and the net will appear.” The Fool, trusting what The Universe has shown him, steps off the cliff certain the net will appear. The Tower card shows us being thrown out of a current situation or belief system. When we haven’t been listening to what The Universe has been telling us The Tower will forcibly thrust us out of our comfort zone. This disorienting energy allows us the freedom to grow beyond what we ever thought possible.

At some point in our lives, we all experience the energy of The Tower. Notice though, The Tower is falling not directly due to anything the people did. The Universe has seen it is flawed (notice the top of The Tower is circular, but the actual building is square) and is tearing down this faulty structure. As painful and disorienting as it is, the best way to survive and make it through this time is to take it as an opportunity for freedom and transformation. Whether that transformation is physical, emotional, regarding a relationship, or a test of faith, this is the time to embrace the opportunity forced upon you.

Now my reader, during this time of darkness and reflection, take a moment to look deep and examine what structures within you are not quite right. What is not true? What is not honest? Deception and illusion will be destroyed, allowing you the freedom to see things in a new way. Take the opportunity. Take it now, while The Universe is still whispering. Consider yourself warned. If you don’t, The Universe will throw you out of a burning tower during a firestorm. Figuratively speaking, of course. 🙂

My thoughts are my own, but my pictures are generally found on Pexels or Pinterest. If you like what I write, please share with your friends or someone you think would like it. I’d love it if you follow me on Facebook (Melissa Gale), Instagram (write2unpack), or Twitter (@write2unpack). If you have any topics you’d like to talk about, reach out to me at write2unpack@gmail.com. Oh, hey, and if you sign up to follow me, you’ll never miss a post!

Dark Tarot – The Shady Side of Temperance

As an evolving writer who’s interested in the Tarot, I decided to explore the darker side of the energies of the Major Arcana cards of the Tarot.

As you may know, I’ve been writing the light, or erotic, side, but since every card has a light and a dark, it seemed only natural to add a little darkness to my stories.

January’s card is Temperance. Temperance is a card of blending energies, balance, and moderation. The darker side of the energies show a time when things are out of balance in your life, or there are competing interests in a relationship. In my story, I write about just that.

Our protagonist, Patrik, is in a relationship where his interests are in direct conflict with another. These unresolved conflicts have yet to be clearly expressed, and it’s only when Patrik is finally confronted with the darkness that he realizes just how deep this conflict is.

Please enjoy this opening snippet to the shadow side of Temperance.

No one could’ve known what would happen, but someone should have. The lake water was cool, but not cold as I held her shoulders under the water. I had asked mom if people could breathe underwater like fish. She said, “No, because we don’t have gills.” So I made sure to give her gills first, before holding her down. Her eyes were wide, and her mouth opened and closed like the fish’s do. The rosy color of her dress paled under the red-tinged water. She didn’t struggle. Not really. I wondered at first if that was because she was breathing underwater, and then I noticed everyone shouting about “the baby.” So maybe it was because she was only three.

***

The smell of coffee wakes me from another bizarre dream. I open my eyes to my childhood room, stretch and remember again the way the sunlight peaks through the curtains.

“And the weird dreams return, just like that.”

A child’s laughter drifts up the stairs as another wave of coffee sits me up in my bed.

“Who? That’s strange. I don’t remember making coffee.”

Mom and I are, or should be, the only ones here. I slide my feet into my slippers and head down the stairs. There it is. A full pot of coffee steams happily on the counter.

“Huh. Maybe mom did it?”

I pour myself a cup of the coffee and take a deep sniff.

“Ew. Hazelnut.” I reach over for the sugar container and pour it into the cup while stirring, then take a sip. My throat instantly closes, and I spit it into the sink.

“Salt?”

I pick up the sugar container and inspect it. Pouring a little into my palm, I taste and the slightly bitter taste confirms my suspicions. I pour the salty mug into the sink and rinse my cup.

“Your dad and your brother always liked hazelnut coffee.”

Mom comes into the kitchen, still in her robe.

“They were so much alike in so many ways. David always insisted on giving the first cup to your dad. That was probably the only nice thing about him… Oh, I didn’t mean that. Your brother was, um, he was a challenging boy. Just willful and… different is what I meant. He was wired differently than other children.”

I pour another cup and take a sip of the hazelnut coffee, trying to remember my brother, but I can’t. I only remember pictures I’ve seen of him.

“Different? What do you mean?”

Mom opens the cupboard and smiles weakly, caressing dad’s favorite cup.

“Well, one time I asked him to bring me a cup of coffee too. He scowled at me, but after I asked again he reluctantly brought me one. I thought he’d changed his mind and was happy, because he was smiling.

She grabs a different cup out of the cupboard, closes it, and rests her palm on the closed door.

“But he was smiling because he’d changed out the sugar shaker and put salt in it.”

Mom pours herself a cup of coffee, picks it up, and closes her eyes as she smells it.

“That was the last time I asked him, but David always brought your dad his cup of coffee first thing without ever being asked.”

“Um yeah, about that. Apparently our last tenants had the same sense of humor. The sugar shaker is full of salt.”

She opens her eyes and looks at me, watching in silence, then sighs. “Is it? I wondered after smelling the hazelnut. Always smells a little like feet, but it brings back so many memories.”

She takes a sip and sets her cup down. “Did you make the coffee, Patrik?”

“Nope, at least not that I remember. I fell asleep on the couch last night reading and don’t remember going to bed. Maybe I did it out of habit on my way up?” I turn and open the fridge freezer looking for the coffee. “Figured either that or you did, but hazelnut?”

I pull the bag out of the freezer. “Oh, well, will you look at that. Vanilla hazelnut, huh. Must’ve grabbed the wrong bag at the store.” I put the bag back in the freezer.

“I bet you were sleep walking again. Toward the end of your father’s illness you’d get up early, make him coffee and go back to bed. He’d get up and there’d be his cup sitting right there next to the coffee pot. He’d ask you about it, but you never remembered doing it.”

“Come on mom, let’s head outside. It looks like a nice day out there.”

I head down the hallway toward the front porch. As I walk, I look at the collection of family pictures on the wall. I see mom and dad with David, his black chunky glasses reflecting the sun. They look pretty happy. There’s one with dad, David, and my sister, Billie, as an infant in mom’s arms. They’re standing on the front porch, but David’s the only one smiling. There’s a picture of Billie at about two or three years old in the bathtub with a bubble beard. A pink princess dress has been folded neatly and set carefully on the back shelf of the tub. David is sitting on the edge, and they’re both smiling at the camera. I guess that’d make him about eight, and probably not long before they both died.

There are pictures of me, but mom and dad look much older, more tired. To an outsider, it probably looks like their smiles are forced, but anyone who knows us knows that’s how mom’s always smiled at me.

I had a great time writing this scene, hoping to evoke a sense of “not quite right” in my readers. It’s been fun to explore the dark side of this energy, and I’m looking forward to writing more unease as the story progresses!

My thoughts are my own, but my pictures are generally found on Pexels. If you like what I write, please share with your friends or someone you think would like it! I’d love it if you follow me on Facebook (Melissa Gale), Instagram (write2unpack), or Twitter (@write2unpack). If you have any topics you’d like to talk about, reach out to me at write2unpack@gmail.com. Oh, hey, and if you sign up to follow me, you’ll never miss a post!